Redefining the Odds of Meeting Someone Special
When the odds are against you, you have nothing to lose by staying positive about who you might next meet in life.
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ― A. Milne
The odds are pretty slim that the next person you meet will become someone ‘special’ in your life.
Sure, you might “hit it off” (whatever on earth that means) with that cool guy/girl you see at a friend’s housewarming, a work social, or while queuing for your daily ‘Frap’ at your nearby Starbucks.
But statistically-speaking, the chances that you meet someone who goes on to play a meaningful role in your life over the next 6 months, year, decade, or ideally, lifetime, are seriously lousy.
And as grim as this sounds, it’s exceptionally hard to come to terms with these odds.
I’ve always been a bit of an optimist (and still am) when it comes to meeting new people. I continue to hold onto the hope that some random encounter might write the next chapter in my life.
I guess you could say I’m a half-full sort of guy when it comes to socialising.
“A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.” ― Maya Angelou
But until recently, I’m starting to think that maybe I’ve been living in a fairytale-filled bubble. And that may be the ‘statistics of socialising’ are worth looking into.
A few days back, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine, who mentioned how he’d been invited to a “socially-distanced” picnic. Let’s just say he wasn’t particularly enthusiastic — it turned out that the organiser had invited some of her old friends along too.
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked, in a slightly confused state of mind.
“I hate socialising with new people.” he said.
I burst out in laughter. I was partly shocked. I was partly amused at how trivial his concerns were in the grand scheme of things. “At least you got the invite dude,” I thought to myself.
But it got me thinking how he’s got a point. I mean, how many times have you been in a futile conversation with a total stranger with the knowledge that your lives will never cross paths again.
The odds of meeting someone extraordinary, well and truly stink.
Some people in your life become a distant memory — only time will tell who these people are
It was once described to me how the people you meet during your first few weeks of college are unlikely to be the same individuals in your graduation photo.
Of course, I didn’t believe this at the time. I was too naïve to realise the way of the world — how new friendships eventually take the place of old ones; how life, both mine and the lives of others, move on in the blink of an eye.
Take a moment to look back on your own life. I’m sure you’ll realise how you’ve met hundreds, if not thousands of human beings over the years. Many of them were your friends at one point in your life. Now they are a distant memory.
If you are struggling to think of such people, open up your social media accounts, and take a leisurely stroll through your list of “connections”.
And before you get carried away, let’s just be clear that the people who you’ll only hear from when they write “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one!” on your Facebook wall, definitely don’t count as ‘special’ people in your life.
Nor do the ones who send you a generic “Happy New Year” message, followed by, “It’s been ages, we should totally catch up. Hope you’re well, xoxo” which of course repeats itself every 12 months.
Let’s focus on the people that matter in your life. Unfortunately, they are few are far between.
The so-called odds can still improve as life moves on
Let’s say you meet at least 20,000 people in your lifetime. And let’s assume 100 of those people go on to play a significant part in your life — loved ones, friends, supportive co-workers.
That means that the next person you meet has at best a 0.5% chance of making an impact on your existence.
Sounds bleak, right?
But like I said, I’m still an optimist when it comes to forming new friendships, relationships, and socialising in general. I continue to believe that there is still a chance that such a probability has scope to grow during your lifetime.
In other words, I’m a strong believer in the saying, “never say never.”
You never know when a former work-colleague will become an executive on the board of your latest start-up. You never know when a childhood school-friend who used to tease you for being too chubby suddenly reappears as your adulthood sweetheart. You simply never know.
And so, while the odds that the next person you meet becomes significant in your life, well, aren’t great, by no means are the odds stationary.
By no means is it true that someone who is now a distant memory will always stay in your ‘forgotten’ bracket.
The odds might stink now, but give it time, and they could grow in your favour.
At the age of 27, I’m too young to give wonderful examples of people who’ve “reappeared” in my life in an impactful way. But I continue to believe that the possibility of such an occurrence is real.
It all comes down to having a little faith.
Always have faith in the odds, no matter how depressed they might seem
“Right now, someone you haven’t met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you.” — Unknown
The concept of finding “the one” might be a dreamy illusion. Or it might be true. I’ll let you decide for yourself.
But nowhere does it say you should stop looking for new people that could make a difference to your life.
And as much as I sympathise with my friend’s light-hearted dislike for socialising with new people, I don’t think I could ever give up on the power of forming new relationships. Or the chance of finding someone ‘special’ — however you choose to define such a term.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally normal to have a bit of “me-time” every now and then. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is spend your Friday nights ‘socialising’ with people you have no interest in conversing with. Sometimes, a tub of double-fat Ben & Jerry’s and a romcom is what you need to unwind.
Regardless of our occasional moments of self-conservation, the point remains that giving up on the odds of finding a new relationship is never the way forward.
Every person you meet could be the “one” — a romantic partner, the next funding powerhouse for your new venture, or a solid friend for life.
Simply said, who knows who might be waiting for you just around the corner? It’s still important to walk out of the front door and go take a look. It’s still important to be open to meeting new people.
Thank you for reading :)
