So You Decided to Move Back with Your Parents during the Pandemic…
And now you feel trapped!
I’m in Tuscany, the sun is up and bright, the rent is free, I don’t have to pay any bill, I eat delicious food that I don’t have to cook, or shop for, or even pay for.
Nevertheless, I feel miserable, paused, trembling, I’m in a small town I escaped from a long time ago and thought won’t ever be my problem ever again.
I’ve been here for five months now. I’m 27, I just started a new career and I feel vibrant, yet dead.
I’m trapped here but still, I’m young and full of energy. The urge to ride this wave, to consume this energy — that nobody will give me back— is high. So, very ironically, as a result, I’m always tired.
I grew too — as we all do — during the last year. Thanks to therapy I learned about my fears, my insecurities, and my bad habits. I need to make all this money I spent count! I want to test my new self within the real world.
I’m one of those many young adults who decided to move back with their parents during Covid-19. I used to live in Milan, the place where things happen in Italy. I will eventually get back there but Italy is still in a semi-lockdown as I write. For now, I have to stay here, patiently.
But what are you gonna do?!
Maybe you — like me — thought that moving back to your parents’ house during the Covid pandemic would be a good idea.
Here’s a list of things you may have said to yourself:
“You’ll be saving money, you’ll get the chance to reconnect with your family, with your roots, with your old friends, to kiss your dog, your cat, and your spirit animal, to detox from the big city, even to solve those childhood issues you once thought were just your personality.” — That was a note for me — “And don’t worry if you get bored, anxious, or feel misunderstood. After all, it’s just a temporary situation, it won’t be forever! You’ll be back on your way after the pandemic. It all makes sense. Plus, it’s not like there’s anything left to do in big cities anyway…”
It won’t be forever but it feels like forever.
“Come play with us!” said the twin suburban sisters with satanic eyes.
Breathe… Now close your eyes and listen to me (did you just really close your eyes? You can’t! You’re reading).
Even though you feel like it, just know that you didn’t press pause on your entire life.
Life will get to a point where what you have experienced during this time will be useful.
I don’t mean that to sound corny: I believe that anything can come in handy if you learn when and how to use it. Just like one man's trash is another man's treasure, your past self’s seemingly-pointless-experiences can lead to your future self’s solutions.
But until then, here are some tips to survive your back-home time.
I’ve collected them during these 5 months (some collect stamps, I collect mixed feelings and how to survive them).
Family is annoying
You love them but at this point in life, you have your own rules and lifestyle.
Like a space vehicle you detached from them some time ago, you went your way and now you don’t share their habits anymore.
You don’t even like the way they handle little things. Laundry, for example. My family’s laundry machine is always full of clothes they’re going to wash, so it is part laundry machine part laundry basket and if you want to wash your clothes you have to wait or argue with someone.
And what happens when you argue with your family? You start yelling, then you feel miserable because you mistreated them but only until the next annoying thing happens, so you forget how miserable you felt and start yelling again, and so on. It’s a loop.
Tip: try to see them less! It sounds cruel but you should avoid your family sometimes.
If you need to feel better about it, just know there’s a chance you’re annoying them too.
You may think you must spend as much time as possible with them given that you are usually far away. But, if you’re a person that gets annoyed easily, don’t even consider it! You’ll ruin everything. You’ll start with good intentions and end with drama.
It’s a matter of quality over quantity. Avoid them because you love them.
Try to be vocal and honest about it too, with kindness. This way you can set boundaries as a family, nobody will get hurt and you won't have to sneak away.
If you don’t share too much time with your family members it will be easier to treat them nicely and you will even be happy to see them (sometimes).
I know it’s not a simple task when you live in the same house, but even the tiniest stuff can make a difference. So, read books, watch your own movies and tv, find your own spot in the house, which takes me to the next point.
Space is sacred
Tip: re-create your own space in your parent’s house.
I didn’t get it at first because I assumed that I would naturally feel at home, after all, we’re talking about the place where I grew up.
It was fun (“fun” is French for disturbing) to reconnect with my old bedroom at first. But I’m not the person who used to live there anymore, at least not entirely, so that room doesn’t fit me now.
Rearrange, redecorate, re-create your grown-up habitat in your childhood home to feel at home again!
Even a single painting or plant or the right lighting can make you feel better. Make yourself feel comfortable.
Remember that physical space affects your mental space.
Find a place, even if it’s small, where you can set your own rules. That will be your safe space, the place where you can recharge. You deserve it and you need it also to be better at living with other people.
Please note: this also counts if your family moved and the house we are talking about is not your childhood home.
Future is not dead
Tip: think about the future.
Don’t act as you can’t do anything about it.
A small example: I always wanted this specific amazing poster about how the sun is huge, but I never bought it because my apartment in Milan was super small, I shared it with two roommates, and that poster — just like the sun — is HUGE.
I ordered it yesterday. I won’t hang it here at my parents’ house. But still, I bought it. That poster belongs to my future apartment in Milan. I’m thinking about the future, see?
Is it an impractical choice? Yes. Is it just another thing that will contribute to make my next relocation a pain in the ass? Yes, absolutely. But buying it made me feel good and alive.
That was a small stupid example, but it well describes how little things really can change your perspective. In the end, a day, a life, is a series of little — less often big — things.
You may feel paused but please, at least, don’t actively pause yourself.
Lastly, imagine how joyful it will be when you’ll finally get back fully on track! Visualize and pre-enjoy that moment. Where will you be? With whom? What will you be wearing? (Is it Prada? Oh my god, that’s gorgeous!).
Find hope in that image.
What about you? Which problems are you facing in this back-home situation? What is your point of view? What are you going to wear when the end of the world ends?
