The Perks Of Being Strange
versus being simple
It was just a phrase popped out during a work dinner some years ago: “If they are not strange enough, we don’t hire them”.
So, I was being considered strange. Right away, I laughed. It was hilarious. Then I figured out it wasn’t a joke. Someone believed I belonged to the “Strange people party” and wasn’t alone either. My colleagues were part of the group also.
Even though I had never thought of myself this way, it didn’t seem bad. Subconsciously, I liked it. I know many would have freaked out for being associated with the odd, weird, nerd, UFO tags… Not me.
As much as I didn’t like labels, it made me reflect on what strange meant and how I could mirror myself into that word so perfectly that I was almost afraid of it. Was I a person that could be completely focused by two syllables and nothing else? I didn’t think so.
But I understood back then, and I can confirm now that not all definitions are despicable. Sometimes a phrase, a term, an adjective can get more out of your character than a compliment or a critic would.
Words which are thrown at us, randomly or not, can help us clarify the perception we have of ourselves and even alter it. When the soil is fertile they can plant joyous seeds of self-esteem as well as evil seeds of destruction.
I didn’t need to scrutinize the dictionary to grab the multiple meanings of my strangeness. They were already inside me.
Most people feel they are unusual or extraordinary during the youngest part of their life. They can’t explain why and instead of finding out, they spend a lot of effort making themselves look ordinary. Fitting in into the standard. Because confirming one’s uniqueness is a hard task. Sometimes even painful.
Not rarely, it means isolation, loss. It’s a quest for the unknown that lies in the unconscious, which is not always a good place, as Freud would argue.
When we do succeed in accepting our peculiarities and living them, we often feel alienated. And that’s what being strange is all about. You separate yourself from the rest. To society, you are unfamiliar and cryptic. And those are the best adjectives you will eventually get.
Be simple, they say, but strangeness means complexity. If you want to win, just be simple. You’ll have friends, praise, comprehension. You will be similar to many others. As Tolstoy would have put it: “Simple people are all alike; every complex human being is complicated in its own way”.
Because Strange is a gem of many facets. Whenever you look at it from a different perspective, you see a new colour shining in the light. And if someone wishes to make it more brilliant, he just keeps cutting his strangeness-stone until it becomes a real diamond.
And as we know, some diamonds belong to people and some others stay alone in glass cases exposed somewhere for years. Or even eternally.
If you don’t want to take this risk, be simple.
On the other way round, being strange has some real perks.
Not having to explain all your actions and thoughts is one of them. Most people won’t even try to understand you anyway.
Doing things others won’t dare. Ice skating in a crowdy centre square anyone? That’s the easiest of them. Truth-telling that could hurt you? Difficult, but not impossible.
Setting yourself free from third party judgements. You know that you are the best jury for your strangeness and maybe you give that freedom to a few people who matter the most to you. The rest is just unpurposed noise.
Breaking expectations. They do not belong to you, but to the people who throw them at you. You are only loyal to your mind and heart and the strange things coming from them.
Behaving as no one else would. Whether it is ignoring someone you don’t like or not taking part in activities you are the least interested in, you always do that. Why? Because you can.
However, do not make the mistake to believe those things come at no price. You have to find the strength to face the costs if you want the privileges. If you can’t afford the price, wait for your moment. It will come if you desire it.
Other reflections of mine related to self-acceptance and authenticity:
