The Real Reason Why We End Up In Miserable Relationships
We are terrified of being alone.
We all want to be happy. But we are wrong to believe that we will find happiness in someone else, that there is someone out there that will complete us. If you are looking for your other half let me stop you right there. You are whole!
You are not this incomplete part that needs someone else to be happy. Certainly, a lover plays a big part in our happiness, but you must know they are a cherry on top, not the base of the ice cream. Putting the responsibility of your happiness in anything other than yourself will make you miserable.
I know you’ve heard it before and I know you don’t want to hear it… but it’s true. If you ever want to be loved, you have to love yourself first. One day someone could come along and treat you miserably, or not love you enough. And you will be okay with that because it’s still more than what you love yourself.
When we don’t love ourselves we depend on others. We depend that others show us that we are worthy of love. We take the role of a victim that needs a hero. We trick ourselves into believing that we need someone else to be happy, to be okay, to be worthy of love — because it's easier than taking that responsibility ourselves.
And the thing about people is that we are all human, and we can fail. So you cannot rely on others for your self-worth, because when they have a bad day, you will not matter anymore.
Learning To Be Alone
If you are afraid of ending up alone, or not finding your perfect match, you might accept the first thing that comes through the door promising to be everything you want. You have to come to terms with being alone and going through life alone. Would it really be so bad? How can someone enjoy being with you if you can’t stand yourself? Ask yourself, what is it that you are really afraid of.
Being alone gives you time to focus on yourself, reflect on your past and current relationships. Dating casually for a while teaches you what you want and what you don’t, what are your boundaries, and what you willing to accept. Being alone allows you to plan a future, focused on what you truly want. Ultimately, the only one that is going to make sure that you fulfill your dreams and achieve your goals is yourself — even if you have a partner.
Loving Yourself
Loving yourself takes time and effort. You have to give yourself time to learn who you are and what you want out of life. Because how can you offer who you are if you don’t know who you are?
When you learn to love yourself you will have an internal peace that you wouldn’t give up for anything, not even your lover. Self-love is: knowing you will be okay, no matter what. Is knowing that you can count on yourself when things get rough. Is Trusting that you will figure it out. Is believing that you are in charge of your life and that you can make yourself happy.
It’s great to be in a relationship, but it’s also great not having a partner. It’s also okay to explore our options and date people. So take your time. Read, eat, sleep, cry, do whatever you have to do to feel okay. Learn to love yourself and then be happy with or without someone else.
