The Virginity Myth!
Introverts and their comfort zone!
If you started reading this post expecting new scientific research about virginity, then you have been click-baited. This post is not about virginity, it’s about the nervousness you feel before losing your virginity and how that hormonal fluctuations is what ‘we-feel every-time we-try’ to go out of our comfort zone. Again, this might turn out to be a moniker for something you already knew.
In its absurd sense, The Virginity Myth is about the hypothetical logics our mind gives us to nurture the insecurities and nervousness before stepping out of our comfort zone (to try something new). This post is about giving you a why, and hopefully the how will come.
So how distinctly can you recall losing your virginity, especially the nervousness you felt when you knew you were going to do it? Those of you, who went through this in the “heat of the moment” were lucky enough, since you didn’t have to plan it in advance and go through that extended phase of nervousness and self-doubt, as I did along with many others.
This nervousness is equitable to the feeling you go through when you do something for the first time when you step out of your comfort zone. Talking to a girl for the first time, giving your first public speech, sitting in your first job interview, and countless others. The uncertainties get to you, fear of failing crawls in, and butterflies are released in your stomach.
And some of us do fail the first time, both in losing virginity and in other walks of life. Yet we can march forward by learning from our mistakes and with some fortunate help from the universe (like your partner helping you be comfortable.)
The point is that nervousness is natural, and it is followed by an inevitable learning process. Irrespective of the outcome, you will eventually gain something from the process which will eventually shape your character as a being. Moreover, the nervousness will be at its peak only for the first time. It might be there when you try again, but it won’t be as daunting as it was for the first time.
I mean, some days, we feel down, and it’s okay to just exist. But this childish phrase also has “some days”. Because other days we learn, thrive and grow. And that’s practically impossible if you keep your stubborn foot rooted in your comfort zone.
It’s okay to fail, but it’s not okay to not even try. Consider this blog, for instance. Sharing my views publicly has been one of my biggest nightmares, because of my insecurities around being judged and making grammatical mistakes. Yet I am making a habit out of it (though anonymously) for the sake of learning. It has been quite a therapeutic process and helps me get things out of my system.
This is just one example of stepping out of your comfort zone and breaking the virginity myth. I might not be succeeding at writing, but I am surely exploring myself, strengthening inner narratives, learning how readers behave, along with endless other things that I am yet to learn,.
If you are still not convinced, here are five more reasons to step out of your comfort zone:
1. Increasing your productivity
When you constantly step out of your comfort zone and learn new things, it gives you an additional perspective about things and makes you bold enough to take risks. Henceforth increasing your productivity. Now I am not saying that you will transform from a reserved introvert to a proactive extrovert. But you will be less afraid of unexpected setbacks.
With repetitions, doing unfavorable tasks would come easy and being at unease won’t be life threatening. For example, lying in your bed till 8 is your comfort zone, and getting up early to work out or writing an article about getting out of your comfort zone is the kick start of stepping out.
2. Gain Control
You gain control of your life. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through your life, you will have better control over your temptations. The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more you will be able to resist dopamine cravings, and the more you will be in control of your life.
Start with simple things like not eating in your favorite restaurants and exploring a new dish. Be flexible and let life come to you.
3. Boost your creativity
Stepping out of your comfort zone gives you perspective. And perspective is the mother of creativity. You will learn how ‘passionate’ people find their drive? Or what living without passion looks like? After all, self-help articles are not enough (on their own).
As an aspiring writer, I go out to classical music concerts, despite not understanding the basics of the music. (Yet I can appreciate an art form.) Because I love learning.
Eventually, you will feel comfortable thinking out of the box and drawing parallels.
4. Become better as it gets easier
As you step out of your comfort zone it becomes easier, since it will desensitize nervousness. For a proactive person, it takes less willpower to do a task, part of which is explained in the bubble diagram below. The comfort zone shrinks as you become comfortable stepping out of it.
Like while learning to ride a bike, you get better and better with time and practice. Stepping out of your comfort zone takes a similar tack, the graph of nervousness shows a downfall. As you become less concerned with the outcome and more concerned with getting better at something.
5. Gain faith in your abilities
This one is probably the most important benefit of stepping out of your comfort zone and breaking this myth of nervousness made up in your mind. Self-doubt is the key factor trashing your confidence.
One advantage I enjoyed after several ‘stepping out’ experiments was that I could get over my insecurities, and consequently, I became comfortable asking for feedback from friends. As I said, constantly stepping out of your comfort will make you not to dwell on the outcome and focus on how to learn.
The How:
Now I can give you some generalized constructive steps on how to be comfortable stepping out of your comfort zone. But I feel everyone has their own system.
Sure, you can take inspiration from self-help articles, but you will need to customize all those recommendations for yourself. You can move on to some general steps like sharing your insecurities with a confidant — that helps in normalizing it. But start with tiny things like:
- get up early — for reading, writing, workout — anything.
- watch a movie from a genre you don’t like — avoid genres you hate
- talk to strangers — ask for directions, even if you know it.
- ask for an extra sauce sachet from that sweet McDonald service girl
- read about entrepreneurs and their lifestyle.
The idea is to cause a disruption to the auto-pilot, lose the virginity of the things you haven’t ever tried and stop being afraid of trying something new.
A word of caution:
*One thing at a time.
*Have patience
*Don’t panic — nobody died because of talking to a stranger.
*Surprise your close one, but don’t startle them.
Happy growing. Stay alive. Peace Out.
