A Glimpse of What’s Behind the Veil
A lighthearted conversation between two schoolmates
I entered the dormitory ignoring the concerned looks of my friends. But at that moment I had no idea why I got the sole attention of everybody in the room even for a few minutes. But I didn’t have the urge to find out.
I lied down on my bed and began to stare at the ceiling. Eventually, things settled down and the usual chatter of my buddies began to grow louder. I heard my name being said in their random conversations but I wasn’t in a mood to find out why.
“What’s the matter? You got served, buddy?” The voice of my closest mate brought me back to my senses. I managed a smile. Surely, he must have noticed the displeasure on my face.
“Served? For what? By whom?” His words didn’t make any sense to me.
“Well, DP was talking about you in the afternoon. Trust me, bro, he is not pleased with your behavior. He’s got his eyes on you.”
Ah! He was talking about the deputy principal of my school. In addition to the three wardens, he also stayed in the school hostel. He was someone who was in his mid-thirties and he was famous for going to unnecessary lengths to keep the discipline of the school. This included severe physical punishments sometimes. Most of the older students in the school and hostel didn’t like him. Sometimes he acted as if he were never a teenager in his life.
“Today, he sent one of the wardens to the spot where you play video games.” My friend continued. “He was pretty confident you are gonna get caught red-handed. Nobody knows how you managed to stay out of warden’s sight.”
I recollected the narrow escape I had in the early afternoon. I couldn’t contain my laugh.
“Well, there’s not a big mystery in that. The owner of the gaming cafe knows our wardens and DP. I’ve told him to let me know if they appeared in the street out of the blue when I’m with the console. That’s how I got away.”
My friend let out a long sigh.
“It seems that you’ve been lucky this time. But seriously, man, you have to rethink your unauthorized, late-afternoon visits to gaming hubs and malls. Trust me, he won’t think twice to expel you once he caught you in action.”
“Well, their rules say that a student has to commit three serious offenses to get expelled from the hostel. I don’t do drugs or alcohol when I’m outside. I never even try to score chicks. All I do is grabbing some snacks and playing video games. And sometimes I browse bookstores in the school street.”
“Wow! That’s so cool, man,” My friend laughed at the way I tried to justify my actions. “But as we both know it doesn’t sound much cool to authority. No doubt we hostelers deserve more space but they are hesitant since they are afraid some of us would cross the limits. Besides, you, yourself do pretty questionable things that are less harmful. And I know you don’t like DP that much.”
He stopped for a moment and got up to close the windows behind us. When he returned to his bed, he looked a bit serious and concerned.
“I’m not trying to scare you but I’ve got news for you, Salitha, he also doesn’t like you. He talked to some of us in the evening and that’s when I realized that. At the moment, he is not putting that much pressure on you because of two reasons. First thing is, you are a good student. He is pretty confused about how you score so great in tests with minimum effort. Secondly, the chief warden defends you all the time despite your unconventional behavior.”
I let my thoughts flow spontaneously for a few minutes. And at that moment, what my friend revealed to me didn’t bother me that much as it should. After all, I saw it coming from miles away. I was only 15 and at that time and I was having the time of my life in my own way. However, I didn’t forget to thank my friend for his genuine concern. He was someone who was ready anytime to back his buddies.
“So, what were you talking with DP before coming to the dorm?” My friend asked in a light tone.
“As the coordinator of the student union, I had to inform him about the monthly meeting. But he seemed pretty distracted. In fact, he didn’t confront me about anything at all which I find really strange now.”
“But you looked somewhat displeased when you arrived at the dorm?”
Finally, the conversation was heading where I wanted it to go.
“He told me about this ceremony he attended today. And he had had the chance to listen to this particular lecture which caught his attention.”
I told my friend the name of the speaker who was a highly respected professor in the medical field at that time.
“Oh! That guy,” My friend spoke just like he acknowledged something. “I respect him for his skills, accomplishments, and unusual humility. I’m not trying to sound judgmental but when it comes to certain things, he sounds pretty distracted and carried away.”
“Tell me about it.” I looked at my friend in disbelief. It was like he just read my mind. “I was thinking the same, man, and deputy principal told me about these particular lines from that lecture. That’s what made me kind of disappointed in the first place.”
“Whoa! I know what’s on the way, homie,” My friend sounded really cheerful at once. “This is going to be interesting because it especially comes from you.” He paused for a moment to contain his excitement.
“Anyway, what has the professor told?”
My friend’s energetic nature encouraged me to carry on.
“He had talked about the vulnerability we inherit since birth as humans.”
“Every creature in this world is vulnerable in one way or another, pal,”
“Yeah, I know and I agree with it. What I disagree with is the context he had used to explain his idea.”
My buddy smiled slightly. “Carry on.”
“He had defended his opinion by describing the vastness of the universe.” I continued relating the story.
“Universe, itself is a vast thing and its measurements go beyond one’s imagination. When our galaxy, Milky Way is compared to the entire universe, it’s like one single drop of water in the entire ocean. The Milky Way is also a big entity. And when our sun is compared to the size of our galaxy, our sun is merely a sand particle in a beach that is long hundreds of miles.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m impressed. After all, his approach is really ordinary. But it’s a nice start for the professor.” My friend said in a low, bored tone followed by a yawn.
“Our solar system consists of 8 planets and in front of bodies like Jupiter and Saturn, our earth is like a dwarf among giants. And planet earth has about 195 countries. Among them, there is our country, Sri Lanka which has an area of 65,610 square kilometers. When compared to massive lands like Russia, Canada, and the US our country is like a mere dot on the canvas.”
I was in the lying position with my eyes set on the ceiling all the time while words were flowing from my mouth. I paused for a moment and turned to my friend. I wanted to ensure that he hadn’t fallen asleep because usually, it was the time we crash. Actually, he was listening with the utmost attention. I could tell it by the look on his face.
“Is that it?”
“No, there is one single part left and I’m sure you’ve figured it all by now. He had mentioned the population in Sri Lanka. There are about 20 million people here and any human on Sri Lankan soil is just one single individual in a crowd of 20 million humans. Just like one single autumn leaf among millions of other leaves in the season.”
I finished telling my friend what I heard from our deputy principal.
“So, which part of the story are you against? About his similes regarding the vastness?” My friend asked in a mocking tone.
“Hell no, bro,” I got caught off guard by my buddy’s sense of humor. “It’s just that I feel like his story lacks something significant. But I can’t figure out what it is. I feel that there is something very wrong with the way the professor explained his theory. To be honest, I wanted to bash that opinion right after I heard it but as much as I’m embarrassed to say this, I didn’t know how to do it in the first place.”
“So, you know there is something wrong with the professor’s words but you don’t know what it is. You can’t even give the slightest hint regarding that. Great, my friend, given your current status I’m pretty sure it would make a fairly good argument against a six-year-old.” My friend burst into laughter.
If he weren’t one of my closest buddies, I would have felt really embarrassed. However, I tried to act casual.
“It’s instinct, bro, as you know most of the time I’m the least rationalistic person. The more I try to be analytical and rationalistic the more I feel like my energy is being drained and I’m heading towards the wrong direction.”
“As we both know, anybody can say things. But we need facts to prove our points. Do you really think you can convince someone that your instinct almost every time helps you with going through things with less distress and more comfort?”
“I could give you so many incidents,” I said looking at my friend.
“Try me.” He sounded challenging.
“Well, the most recent scenario occurred when our warden showed up in front of the gaming cafe today.” I couldn’t contain my smile when I remembered what happened in the late afternoon. “When the owner warned me about it, the warden was about thirty seconds away from the place. He showed me two options. Either I could have waited in the washroom until the warden leaves or I could have hidden behind the curtains. Those were the only two options I had and there was no back door in this shop.”
“What was your choice?”
“Neither. Of course, I wasn’t going for the bathroom option because it’s the most suspicious place after all. And somehow I didn’t feel like trying the second option either. The warden came in and had a look around. There were only 5 gaming booths in the store and four of them were occupied. What remained available was the one I was using before he arrived.”
I could see my fellow hosteler’s face gets lit with excitement.
“He had few words with the owner and at the end of the day, he had to let the warden check the entire store. The first thing that caught the warden’s eye was the bathroom. But nobody was there at the moment. Then, he asked about the attic-like part the owner used to store various stuff. Surprisingly, the owner forgot to show it to me as the third option and if he had done, most likely I would have gone there. Long story short, our warden paid a visit to the attic too. Also, he didn’t forget the curtains either. It seemed like he was so keen on catching me in action.”
My friend looked really surprised. “So, where were you all this time?”
“Ah! It’s not as strange as it looks to you. There was this abandoned deep freezer near the door of the shop. I hid in it with the lid closed and waited until the warden leaves. From time to time, I lifted the lid very slightly to see what’s going on.”
I could feel the triumph in my own voice. My friend gave me a look that said something like “you are unbelievable.”
He began to talk after a few seconds. “Well, speaking of less distress and more comfort...”
He couldn’t finish his sentence since again he burst into loud laughter. The nature of my experience and my friend’s silly, genuine reaction to it made me join him too. For the next few minutes, we were laughing like little kids who came across something insanely funny till we ended up gasping for air at the end.
“That was awesome, bro, wish I could see it from my own eyes. Never thought you could be that much creative.” My friend said as soon as he could control his laugh. “And for the record, I was just messing with you. Trust me, I’m the last person to bash instinct and intuition. And I’m glad you could handle the situation well.”
Then, he looked at his watch. He was one of those few guys who slept at night wearing a watch.
“You know? I think I might be able to help you with your dilemma. Actually, according to me what you felt is right at the moment. It seems like the professor has looked at things in a more materialistic way. Don’t you think?”
“Of course, after all, he’s got a reputation for that.”
“I know. In this case, it’s true that we are vulnerable. But you are right. He could have used a different context for his explanation. The vastness or infiniteness of the universe, humans being a speck in the whole system…..
No doubt they make sense. But the professor has forgotten the most important thing and I wonder why.”
“What has he missed?”
“Well, that missing thing is exactly what you are looking for, my friend, let me tell you something first. I know you and you know me. We’ve got no problem with people being whatever they want to be. Materialistic, atheist, agnostic, existentialist, spiritual you name it. It’s their choice. But sometimes the base or we could say, the origin of these beliefs is highly questionable.”
I felt something promising on the way. Therefore, I didn’t interfere even if he paused for a moment and looked at me. He picked up my sign quickly and continued.
“It’s obvious that the current world is governed by certain disciplines which are a combination of certain models and paradigms. But one shouldn’t forget the fact that from time to time these theories are replaced by newer, more applicable models when the human mind tests its own potential. Just like Relativity and quantum physics outdid traditional Newtonian mechanics. So, if someone takes them as universal mechanisms, it’s quite delusional.”
Suddenly, I began to feel light. Chats like these are the ones I never want to end. But still, I didn’t get what I was desperately asking for.
“We’ve been down this path many times before, brother, it’s not like I’ve had enough of it. But right now, as we both know it’s not what I want to hear from you.”
“Yes, of course,” He told immediately. “Sorry, man, I just got carried away a little bit. Sometimes, don’t you think that our professor also has been carried away?”
“Because of his devotion to materialism?”
“Obviously, I’ve read and heard his stuff before and I’m pretty confident about that. Anyway, to answer your question, in my opinion, he has missed the simplest and most obvious thing. In fact, he has forgotten the fact that to contemplate all these attributes in nature or according to him, in the universe, there must be a spectator. In other words, to perceive time and space, there must be consciousness.”
“I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Now I regret postponing reading those materials you recommended to me about a month ago.”
I didn’t know whether my friend took my statement as a compliment. However, my overthinking nature worried that he might think of me as someone who is arrogant.
However, it seemed like my words hadn’t affected him at all. He kept talking.
“Just imagine something like this. There are billions of people in this world and quadrillions of other creatures. In fact, when it comes to it, trying to assign an amount might sound pretty unrealistic. Anyway, for a moment think that there are no beings in the universe. That means, no eyes, no ears, no tongues, no olfaction organs, and no other organs that can feel anything. Most importantly, there is not a single consciousness that can detect something.”
It didn’t take me that much time to digest what he was saying.
“Sure. So, what’s next?”
“Just take your time and think. In a scenario like this where there is no consciousness to contemplate nature as it is, truly would there be a thing called ‘Universe’?”
I laughed with ease. For a moment I felt like all my hypothetical knots were being untied. My friend had opened a new dimension for me.
“I get what you mean. You are trying to say that what we call reality or nature is indistinguishable from our own perception. Simply put, no mind no universe!”
Another guy who shared the same dormitory with us turned off the lights for the night. But I didn’t feel like I’m in the darkness. In fact, everything began to make more sense than ever.
“Interesting. Surely, this is what I’ve been missing. I’ve got one more question though.”
“What is it?”
I looked at my friend who was in the next bed. I could barely see him through the darkness.
“Is this what you believe in?”
“Right now, absolutely. I bet your cunning escape tactics. But in the meantime, I prefer not to get carried away. After all, I’m just fifteen, homie,”
“Haha, don’t underestimate yourself, bro, this is the era they keep telling that age is just a number.”
Suddenly, another thought struck me.
“But you know? A follower of our beloved professor could come up with an argument like this. In fact, one could say that just because something wasn’t perceived by anyone, we can’t come to the conclusion that it doesn’t exist. In that way, he or she could say that the universe might be independent of spectators. After all, it can be backed easily by thousands of examples.”
“Well, it clearly shouldn’t surprise us. Personally, I believe that logic has its own limits. Ultimate truth is always many steps beyond logic.”
He paused for a few seconds. “Maybe that’s when you should stick with your crush.”
“My crush?”
“Yes, Salitha, I meant instinct.”
I wish he could come up with another metaphor that resonates with my relationship with instinct.
A small light came from his side. It was the light of his watch. Clearly, he must have checked the time again.
“There have been proficient teachers in this world who have explained the perception of things in our plain sight in an innovative way. Just for the sake of the salvation of people around them.”
My curiosity grew rapidly. “I’m all ears if you aren’t feeling sleepy.”
“Trust me, I could do this forever.”
“Be my guest.”
“Have you heard of Milinda Panha?”
Somehow that name sounded a bit familiar. I thought for a moment. In the end, it took me a while to remember what it was.
“Are you talking about the conversation between that Greek king and the Buddhist monk who was an arhat?”
“Whoa! Here comes the dabbler.” My friend’s voice sounded satisfied. “You are right, bro, it is the conversation that took place between Indo-Greek king Menander I and the Buddhist sage Nagasena. Menander is known as Milinda in Indian Pali sources.”
I remembered reading about the book in a local newspaper a while ago. I was mesmerized by the blurb but never had the chance to get my hands on it.
“Actually, that text tops my to-do list.”
“I finished reading it about a week ago. My cousin’s wife had bought it and I borrowed it from her even before she started reading it.”
“Do you still have it?” I asked with some hope.
“Actually, I returned it yesterday when their family visited me. But don’t worry, I’ll try to get it back for you after she is done with it.”
“Appreciate it, bro, heard many good things about it. Why did you mention it in the first place?”
“Of course, it’s one of the greatest books I’ve read regarding the more profound teachings in Buddhism. Everything is mentioned there in a very simple, fascinating manner. You’ll see when you had the chance to read it. In the book, there is this very interesting part where the monk and the king talk about the Buddha. Because we were talking about time and space I felt like I should mention it.”
I listened to him without interrupting. Unlike me, my buddy was a guy who falls asleep very easily. Yet even after addressing my dilemma, he had voluntarily offered to extend our chat. Therefore, I knew for sure that something groundbreaking was on the way. At least it was going to be groundbreaking for me.
“At one moment king Menander asks the Buddhist monk whether there is such a person as the Buddha for real. That part really got me.”
“Of course, there was. Everybody knows that.” I said noticing the enthusiasm in my buddy’s voice.
“Hold on, buddy, there’s no doubt about his existence. But what I want to highlight is the reply of the monk Nagasena.”
My fellow hosteler sounded like a little kid who saved the tastiest food item for the last.
“Can you imagine what his answer was?”
“Not in a million years.”
“Why don’t you guess?”
“Come on, man,” I was losing my patience but in a good way. “Save the suspense and tell me what it is.”
“Okay, okay.” In a few seconds, his voice had become calm and content. Maybe what he was going to reveal had made that effect on him.
“If we speak in the Buddhist context, Anyone who has a general understanding of Buddhism knows that the Buddha was someone who was enlightened. That means, he got rid of all the defilements that caused reincarnation. Therefore, after his passing away, nobody can say whereabouts of Buddha just like someone can’t say where the flame went after the fire has gone out.”
“Is that what the monk said when he was asked about the existence of the Buddha?” I asked in a casual manner.
“Yes.”
“Even though it’s right I still don’t understand how it’s related to our topic on time and space?”
“Let me finish.” My friend sounded relaxed. “I’ll relate you to the rest of monk Nagasena’s explanation. It’s true that someone can’t assign a location to The Buddha. But still, there is the precious doctrine sermonized by Buddha. Therefore, his historical existence can be verified.”
“That’s fascinating.” I meant every single word in that short, ordinary reply. Honestly, I was quite overwhelmed.
“But still how does this resonate with what we talked about the universe? About time and space?”
“Well, that’s up to you to find out.”
Even if I couldn’t see him, I thought that he was feeling lazy and dormant due to sleepiness. But I wasn’t in the mood to call it a night until the mystery gets solved.
“Well, it’s just a few words, bro, then I’ll let you sleep in peace. Usually, tiring myself with riddles in this part of the day is not my strong suit.”
“What good sport in me telling you everything, homie? come on, where is your dignity? Did you accidentally leave it in the deep freezer?”
While a part of me was waiting for him to tell me the rest I required, the other half was already diving into my imagination. Therefore, I unconsciously ignored his mockery.
“I know that sometimes you watch movies till like 2 AM in the morning at employee quarters behind everybody’s back. Besides, the night is still young. You’ll be able to tackle it sooner than you think. Make sure to show me what you’ve got in the morning.”
He let out a long sigh. I took it as a sign of him settling down to sleep. But I didn’t bother about it anymore. After all, I was in an imaginary battle to protect my dignity.
Time and space? The existence of the Buddha? Of course, the short dialogue he mentioned clearly spoke for the doctrine of Buddha. There was no doubt about that. But what’s their relationship with each other? Did it have significant value? Or was it just another beautiful epiphany among thousands of others that illuminated Buddhism?
However, I was determined not to go to sleep until I come up with something that would satisfy my curious imagination.
That’s when the rain began to fall. Normally, my country which is a tropical island gets the blessing of darker clouds profusely for the whole year. But rain at this particular time of the year? Even the weather forecast didn’t mention this. I held my thoughts for a moment and listened to the rain. There was no wind but I felt the heat going down.
A crash of thunder occurred but I didn’t notice the lightning. How come I didn’t see it? There was a transparent window on the opposite wall of the room.
Then, lightning struck me. But it didn’t come from the sky. It came from within. The answer I’d been looking for came spontaneously.
I had found the connection between the dialogue and so-called time and space.
In the Buddhist context, it was like this. The Buddha attained enlightenment. By doing so, he stopped the repeating cycle of birth. But a person who is not enlightened is not immune to reincarnation after death. Therefore, one can always assign a location and a time period to that particular person. But unlike that person, there is not any living form of Buddha after his passing away. Therefore, nobody can assign a location and an occasion to him after his death. In other words, with his death, the Buddha has surpassed the two concepts called time and space. He’s traveled beyond it.
Yet the doctrine he preached is still available to the world. It hasn’t disappeared yet. Therefore, his existence is unquestionable.
I honestly didn’t know how long it took me to come to this realization. I had lost the track of time since my friend left me with a challenge. But surely I hadn’t taken that much time.
I removed my shirt and threw it to the nearby chair. I stretched while lying on the bed and let out a laugh. I was pretty confident that nobody could hear it. The feeling of satisfaction and the cool, rainy atmosphere were taking me to a plethora of relaxation.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a weak light coming from my friend’s side. He was checking the time again.
“Impressive.” I felt the genuineness in his voice.
“Are you still awake?” I didn’t want to hide my surprise.
“Well, sorry I put you at sea. But I knew you were capable of finding your way to the shore.”
“You seem pretty confident that I got it right?”
“Well, I know you for a long time. It’s just a matter of instinct and intuition after all.” He delivered a line that carried both certainty and humor.
“I wonder how it appeared from nowhere. I wasn’t even trying. I just put everything aside and listened to the rain.”
“That’s the fruit of freedom, Salitha, you were not bound by any rule to find the answer right away. You could have traveled at your own pace. But your passion drove you there very quickly. Wish the mentors of our school system could see the lesson in it.”
It was still raining. Despite the sound of rain and thunder, I still could hear the words of my friend. However, his last sentence brought me back to reality. We were supposed to survive another regular school day tomorrow. I cringed when I remembered that I have to go through two social studies periods in a row in the morning. I loved the subject. But I kind of disliked the teacher who always questioned my silent demeanor when it came to her class.
“Do you know what I feel right now?” I was pretty sure that my friend was never going to guess it.
“I have no idea.”
“I feel like knocking on DP’s door right now and tearing apart his theories.”
My friend threw one of his pillows at me.
“You can save it for another time, bro, it’s almost midnight.”
