We Are the Centre of Our Universe
But left unchecked, it brings us more frustration than joy
We are each unique in the way we perceive the world. No amount of similarities or shared viewpoints will truly enable us to see the world through the eyes of another person or being. As humans, true objectivity is a myth.
History illustrates the devastation that unchecked biases can have on society. However, it is not just the rest of the world that is affected by our flawed perspectives. Living in ignorance of our inherent biases can be detrimental to our own life.
Nothing is Normal
In everyday language, we assume “normal” to refer to the usual or typical state of something. The problem lies in that as much as we may try, we are still limited to seeing the world through our individual lenses.
We can have compassion and empathy for others, yet we cannot live their perspective.
The things that we perceive to be normal, are often only so from our own perspective. It is difficult for us to imagine a different perspective altogether if we are not aware that an alternative even exists.
An American teenager may view it as going against the “norm” to wear a uniform to school. By contrast, a British or South African teenager will view it as strange to not have to wear a school uniform.
Countries using the metric system will find the imperial system strange, and vice versa. The examples are endless.
Normal is relative.
How Does it Affect Us?
Human perspectives are rooted in the self. In this context, objectivity becomes a myth. Why should we care? The societal benefits of embracing the perspective of the other is a different matter. Here, I will focus on understanding the challenges that our inherent bias delivers to ourselves.
#1 — We Become Frustrated
Humans are social beings for a reason. To perform work that is impactful, we have to harness the benefits of collaboration and teamwork. Nevertheless, in the process of collaboration, people are often left frustrated instead of empowered.
Part of the issue lies in that we are stuck in our own perspective.
The things that seem obvious to us may not seem obvious to others. When we encounter someone who does not follow our line of thinking, we often reason that they just think differently. Sometimes we may go as far as to the reason that they think strangely.
Perspective is key. The other party likely thinks the same as us.
Similarly, we may become frustrated when someone struggles to do something that is easy. Or we become frustrated when we fail to do a task as easily another person. We lose touch of the fact that despite all being human, we are each gifted with different skills and abilities.
If we remain rooted in our perspective without being aware of the differences, we are likely to just magnify the frustration.
It goes deeper than just frustration. Diversity is a good thing. If everyone saw things the same way, uncovering our blind spots would be difficult. Innovation would grind to a halt.
#2 — We Spin Wild Narratives
The problem with being the main character of the show that is our life is we need a narrative for how everything connects to us. We unknowingly spin wild (and inaccurate) stories to explain our reality.
If someone just looks at us strangely, the spinning commences.
Do they not like us? Are they offended that we got sick and could not make that coffee date? I’ve never been given that look before. It must be so. Gosh, I can’t believe they’re so petty. But what if they really needed me? Ah, why did I have to catch a cold that weekend?!
Chances are that the person in question was simply squinting in the sunlight after leaving their glasses behind. Or they had an involuntary muscle spasm at the wrong time.
Sure, sometimes the narrative we construct checks out. But the success rate is questionable, and it often does us no favors for our mental health anyway.
We struggle to accept that sometimes we are simply an extra in someone else’s show.
#3 — We Deprive Ourselves of New Experiences
Our individual definitions of normal are restrictive. If we label everything that sits outside our narrow window of normal as weird or strange, we deny the possibilities that the other side offers.
Music, food, and clothing are incredibly diverse. Trying to group these items into normal versus exotic becomes problematic.
It is not simply being open to trying new things. Rather, we need to embrace the possibility that versions of everyday things that lie outside our sense of normal may lie within someone else’s sense of normal. For these people, the alternative is not simply some exotic variant.
When we learn to treat these alternatives as such, we open up ourselves to truly appreciate the flavor or experience. We learn to see its inherent beauty and past its exoticism.
What Can We Do About It?
#1 — Learn to Use Diversity Productively
Simply being aware of the relative nature of “normal” and the inherent differences in our skillsets can go a long way to soothing frustration.
We can take it a step further, by embracing the diversity in skillsets and perspectives to fuel productivity. At times this may mean agreeing to disagree. At other times, it means biting our tongues to listen to a different perspective.
Perspectives that shatter our notion of normal should be cherished. Ultimately, this yields “out-of-the-box” thinking more quickly. At the very least, having the additional viewpoints helps cover the bases and reduces the risk of errors.
#2 — Know When To Accept The Role of An Extra
Playing the role of the main character in our lives is what gives us the drive and determination to reach for incredible heights.
However, we should understand when it is wise to simply step back and relinquish the role. Remember that not every little incident needs an explanation. We can avoid falling into the trap of spinning an elaborate false explanation that consumes us.
Learning to accept that some things are merely unrelated to our narrative is powerful.
Even on the off chance that the wild narrative is correct, learning to temper, our thoughts can save us from obsessing over trivial matters.
#3 —Truly Embrace That Which is Different
By remaining open to viewing that which lies outside of our own perception of normal as equally valid, we unlock exciting new worlds.
We not only increase our tolerance but also expand the options that we have available.
Understandably, not every alternative will be life-changing. But by embracing and respecting that which is different, we keep this window of possibility open.
Takeaway
Just as different creatures perceive the world according to their different sensory systems, so too are we inherently restricted by our self-rooted perception of the world.
We can make efforts to understand the other, but we cannot literally see the world through someone else’s eyes. However, hope is not lost. By simply being aware of our inherent bias, we can free ourselves from some of the limitations of our perceived reality.
In doing so we stand to reap the benefits of diversity, gain valuable experiences, and cultivate happier, less frustrated versions of ourselves.
