“The only thing in the world you can change is yourself and that makes all the difference in the world.” — Cher
Nobody ever wants to be out of control. Yet we choose to let go of our control when we chase others trying to change them.
Trying to change someone else is an uphill task.
Other people cannot fix you. They cannot heal you. They cannot make you whole.
They cannot do the work that is yours.
Only you have the power to do that.
Have you ever thought of changing a person because you don’t like his behavior?
Have you ever felt that it is your responsibility to change a person’s attitude because it is affecting you in ways that you could not have imagined?
Have you ever tried to change someone’s opinion like your life depends on it?
Have you ever wished someone would want the same thing you want?
I am here to tell you the truth. You cannot change someone. You can only change yourself.
Remind yourself that just because you are in a relationship with someone or you are working side by side with someone does not mean that you have the key to their ideas and emotions.
If there is a person who is always negative and complaining in your office and you are thinking of changing this person to your way of thinking — —
You can talk. You can speak up. You can share your ideas. You can show that person the advantages of being positive through your actions. You can repeatedly try to teach your ways.
But at the end of the day, that person is the only one who has to decide who he wants to be and what kind of a person he wants to be.
So, wishing to change someone at any level is foolish and a waste of our precious time and energy.
This isn’t a matter of opinion. There’s research behind it. And what it concludes is unequivocal …
Here is what Psychology Today says about Change:
“Deep change is hard. Asking someone to go against what they have learned their entire life is an impossible task. To abandon their values and principles may bring on a sadness related to loss, or anxiety related to adopting new and unfamiliar territory. We can attest that it is hard enough to change someone; it is oftentimes impossible that it is like changing an entire army.”
The last sentence ought to be repeated:
Changing someone is like changing an entire army.
One of life’s hardest lessons to learn is that you can only change yourself.
We all spend so much time and energy upset, angry or frustrated by other people’s thoughts and behaviors.
But to what end?
Just like you cannot change the direction of the wind or the weather, there’s not a whole lot you can do about someone’s thoughts and behaviors.
Why should we, by default, believe we can change another person?
If we think about it and give it a conscious thought, we would know that what we are believing and wishing is kind of ridiculous.
Yet we don’t think about it when we have an emotional reaction to someone’s behavior or words.
We react in this way because we forget that we cannot change others and mainly because our emotions are a part of our innate decision-making skills.
We react and respond emotionally to the emotional needs of our own, rather than face the truth.
We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves.
So, save yourself from this emotional drama that is killing every one of your cells by wasting them on something that could never be achieved.
Save yourself some frustration today and stop trying to change others.
Focus instead on changing your own faults and you may find yourself living a happier and more peaceful life.
Decide, once and for all, that you can only change yourself and NOT others. This is one of the most essential things you can do for yourself, my dear.
You just have to be conscious and practice it daily.
“Let go of trying to change someone. Living as a positive example creates positive changes in those around you.” Eileen Anglin
You don’t need to control others. You don’t need to.
Love, happiness, self-image, purpose, grit, resilience and real meaning are self-generated. You don’t need other’s permission to have them. They are yours.
You have power over you. You don’t have power over anyone else.
So, stop wasting precious energy you have on trying to climb an uphill mountain. The more you think you are climbing, the more it eludes you.
So, use your energy on yourself, where you can change yourself for the better.
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