What Is Your Life?
I fix my gaze on what’s in front of me, at that moment it is all that exists. I don’t dare turn and watch behind for that is of no importance. I realize that wherever you turn yourself and take a look at it. There is life.
Often in life, there is that particular feeling that strikes you like an impulse that you couldn’t tell where it came from. You are a spectator in all of it. A mere pawn caught in the moment.
What is your life? A string of memories multiplied by time.
Perhaps the reason I never fully committed in my life was that deep down I knew it was pointless to dare to. I’ve seen so many cases where people struggled to become more and in the end the higher they climbed. The faster they fell to the ground.
They chased an illusion, they lost themselves in the dreams, not of their making.
And so I was trying to find tranquility within myself, within my life which was passing me by. Me? The spectator that dare not revolt or seek more. For in the end I already knew how it would end. All our trivialities of the day to day and distractions. The consumption, the idea of living behind a legacy which I found so repulsive.
What for?
This desire to fit in with the rest. To conform to what’s deemed normal. Fight the right cause. The ultimate truths we were spoon-fed since childhood.
The person I was a year ago whom I don’t recognize anymore. The same way the person I am today seems like a stranger. The key is living in the moment if you analyze your past too much. Your past doings, relationships, jobs you realize how trivial it all is.
And so I often wonder when I sit by myself and try to write down a story who do I do it for? Is it for me? Is it for the admiration of those who might stumble upon my words? There is an ego attached to my being after all. And that ego clings onto feeling accepted.
Once you realize it and acknowledge the presence of that very ego, there is the freedom to speak your truth. To say it your way.
I realize that the more you chase things the less they tend to turn towards you. And the moment you take a pause, they take small steps and approach you. The paradox.
Run after a dog and he will run for his life. Rest for a bit and he will curiously make way towards you tilting his head as if asking — Are you OK?
Depending on the dog he might not even care and keep on running and enjoy his freedom. I guess that would mean there is no one way or another about it for some things are out of our control and you can never predict how they might turn out.
You are of use in a society as long as you provide. Anything. Something. Give back to that which has brought you into the system. Be of service, aren’t we after all made to serve others?
To attain that level of selflessness, where you put others needs before yours and in return expect the same to be reciprocated. Isn’t that how most of us are taught to behave?
What is life then?
Anything you choose it to be.
