I ghosted her for one reason: she isn’t the friend I am looking for.
The Background
We were friends for four years throughout secondary school days. She was the third-best friend I ever had. She was there for my birthday celebrations, the time when I cried over my grades, and basically whenever I needed her the most, she was there.
We were still naive when we met, but things have changed. Now, I treat her as an acquaintance. It’s as if we don’t know much about each other and have not gone through much together. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still grateful for all the things she had done for me.
I know, ghosting may not be the best way to end our friendship. Confrontation seems like a better option. That’s not the case here. Talking things out doesn’t work for both of us; we aren’t the type to sit down and talk. Trust me, I’ve tried telling her what’s wrong, yet she continued.
We all have bad habits. We want others to change, and we tend to put the blame on them when things go wrong. We aren’t perfect, but what she did repeatedly left me with no choice but to dismiss our friendship. Cutting off ties with her is for the better.
Jealousy ruins friendships. I couldn’t tolerate her actions anymore. I had to stop letting her hurt me. She was constantly doing things behind my back; spreading rumors about me and even trying to steal my other friends from me. A specific example would be telling untrue stories about me to others so they would side her and stay away from me. In fact, she loves to gossip.
I don’t plan on ever telling her my feelings towards her. I prefer to leave quietly and let the matter rest. That’s how I am. I’m not a fan of confrontation, it never worked for me.
Ghosting is commonly associated with running away from the problem. Maybe telling her to stop directly is a better option. I wish I could do that. I simply can’t. I hope she would understand why I left. She didn’t, she continued her ways.
Yes, I have no right to control her life and tell her what she should do, but I want to help her as a friend.
While prioritizing friends over myself, I was never their priority. It took me a long time to realize this. I would cancel my plans to meet up last minute while they would ditch our plans to meet when someone else asked them out.
I wonder if I’m not good friend material. I don’t know what else I can do than to be there for them when they need it most. I love my friends enough to prioritize them in my life besides family.
What else should I do to stop the people closest to me from hurting me again? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t seem to choose my friends wisely. Maybe being selfless is a mistake. Giving more than I receive in friendships is a mistake. Don’t be like me. Some people aren’t worth investing your time on.
The Takeaway
Good friends are never jealous of what you have. They celebrate your joys with you and grief your sorrows. They care for you with all their heart and give genuine advice to help you out. They are always looking out for you, not stab you from the back.
What I’ve learned from my failed friendships is to keep most of my thoughts to myself. I used to pour my heart out to my friends and tell them every single thing happening in my life, no matter how big or small. That soon became a problem. The things I shared with them soon become their weapon to use against me. Those secrets I shared with them were spread into the world. I would complain about the little things in life and it’s no wonder that they are tired of me.
I need to share my thoughts out loud, I can’t keep them to myself. Keeping a dairy doesn’t work for me, from writing daily to weekly to monthly and now, I completely stopped writing. I need responses to my thoughts.
I’m not a big show off in life, no bragging of any sort. Keeping a low profile makes my life easier to live. I didn’t want to show off my achievements and brag about how good I am. I’ve come to learn that no matter what you do in life, there are bound to be people who are jealous of you. I need to highlight the difference between envy and jealousy. They are not the same.
Envy is the strong desire to have something that is possessed by someone else while jealous is associated with rivalship and the fear of being replaced by someone else or have something taken away from you.
Jealousy is the one thing that ends friendships. There will be a point in life when we are jealous of somebody else.
It’s hard not to be jealous of someone else living a better life than you. But being jealous doesn’t mean you have to act on it, you can choose not to. Some people build their happiness on others’ sorrows, also known as schadenfreude.
I don’t know why do you want to hurt your best friend? I don’t get it. Your best friend was the one who went through thick and thin with you and was there to comfort you when you need it most. I don’t know why you did this but I respect your choice.
We have the choice to either learn from others or to be jealous of them and act on that jealousy.
Who do you want to be?
Thanks for reading!
