You Belong Some Place Better
There are times when you would have asked yourself: ‘is this where I want to be’? Subconsciously, the ‘where’ is the wait before having made it to that better place. This story is about how I deal with the wait, keeping positive at all costs.
In 1996, I had a beautiful experience to study in an international school at the primary level. To re-live the experience of being immersed in such an environment became my end goal. Finally, it happened. I went back to the same country for a master’s education. Now that I reflect, the master’s, as well, was a two-year occurrence, one that I had waited for eighteen years. The wait proved to be extremely valuable. But after having occurred, then what? Which teaches me a few things.
Your goal is a state of mind
Often, we trick our minds into believing ‘the end is near’ or ‘almost there’. Is not such mind-bending found in a magician’s toolbox? Having to work for your end goal, le voyage, is great. Although after having reached the coveted apex, it is only human to fiddle that journey and ask, ‘what next’. These two words, involuntarily, serve as ingredients to a follow-up toast, the next leg of the journey. Goals will not end. Instead, ask yourself: what can I do to make this goal (your journey is part of the goal) truly unique?
Allow yourself to learn to let go:
Having achieved your end goal is a matter of realizing that the journey took place in the past. Allowing yourself to let go of the pride in perseverance will not only make you a whole lot humble but also flexible to accumulate future pride. Instead, grant yourself the pleasure of feeling content with where the journey has taken you.
The above describes the state of being at the end of a journey. We shall mingle in-between:
Level 1: you have found a new goal and it is set in your mind
Level 2: you have reached your goal and matured enough to not be content anymore
Level 3: your mind forces you back to Level 1, except this time, the bar is a whole lot higher
The issue that I wish to address takes place at Level 0 where you begin your search for the end goal; Level 1.5, where you struggle with a pain-staking formula that will get you to Level 2 and finally, Level 2.5, the act of refinancing your hope with energy and courage. It is these matters that take place in between the lines and are seldom shared or spoken about. A space that I would like to simply call: the wait. To clarify, the wait reflects your attitude spread across a loaf of inconsistent external circumstances.
Moving forward, we will discuss the importance of a healthy attitude amidst the wait in these trying and unfavorable times. I would like to share a few stories of how I manage ‘the wait’ at each level.
Level 0:
For a lot of us rendition of the perfect start is a luxury. The year is April 2014. I had just declined the one university that had accepted me. This decision was based on the belief that by siding with the university of my choice (who had put me on a waitlist) it would be worth the already amassed wait of three fat years. Finally, the result came through in my favor. The wait had been so grim that when I read the acceptance email, quite honestly, I passed it off as a tasteless bite of pasta lacking salt or pepper. One thing was certain: my search across three fat years was based on an inner calling.
ALSO,
Level 0:
This story is based on taking things into your own hands. The year is 2016. I had almost graduated and was offered a job that gave me eclectic energy. My only request was to start in August, after summer. The result: I was not offered the job anymore. To this day I wonder if this incident is my sole regret. It is hard when you achieve something and then lose the same achievement in a split second. Anyway, I had to accept and let go.
I spent the year finishing my master’s, traveled regional and rural, and shared as much time as possible with friends who would hopefully guide me towards an improved direction. The year presented me with another job. This time, it did not feel eclectic. I had to refuse a job that I did not believe, especially not with a recent graduates’ mind, one where you want to connect your education with a career. By the end of that particular year, I learned that the earlier you learn to ignore regret and reboot, the higher the chance you will allow yourself to be where you belong.
Level 1.5:
When Rudyard Kipling said, ‘if you can wait and not be tired by waiting’, I wonder if he addressed these words to his son or his younger self. The year is 2024. Most of us have managed to accept that we need more Wi-Fi (wireless intimate friends), WLAN (water, love, air, neighbors), and 5G (green, generosity, genuine, gratitude, gynecologists'). It has been five years, finally, I run a sustainability consultancy having found the right team and workflow.
In 2019, something happened. I learned that success in the business of ‘green’ relies on how you can support the other person’s level of emotional intelligence in a way that they want to make a wiser business decision along with you. This process requires two things: the ability to withstand the wait and the energy to find a collective progressive winning formula.
I began talking to a lot of professionals in different sectors, found myself traveling more, and mostly remained curious. I have understood that winning together is an attitude and not an end goal. It is going to take a whole lot to find that winning formula with a team to support this attitude. We are in 2020 right now. I hope to find that formula.
Level 2.5:
‘Hope is the thing with feathers — that perches in the soul’, said Emily Dickinson. This line reminds me of a specific incident and Forrest Gump. The year is not relevant in this case. It was a sunny day. The breeze performed a bachata. The nearby grass field showed an exceptional token of aromatic appreciation for being stroked by the breeze as seen in the above photo. I stood by the lake with my fishing rod. No other aid. It was probably the umpteenth time I attempted fishing without a strategy. As far as my memory can stretch this was also the final time that I attempted fishing. Once again, it resulted in no fish, no catch.
It is not the act of fishing that is relevant. If I caught fish for a living then sure, it would matter. My focus is on the fact that it is vital to reflect. If I had to fish again and be successful at it then it would be best to have a few strategies this time around to refinance my hope. In the interest to achieve a higher level of being, I suggest you take a pause. During this pause:
- Write the top three things that matter most to you, strictly, in one sentence each
- Meditate with your mind full (allow noise and distraction), slowly, dissolve that noise up to a point where your mind is empty and silent
- Go for a walk on a set path, first walk freely then count the number of steps it took to complete that path and then repeat
- Count to 10 (thoughts you want to liquidate) and then back to 0 (thoughts you wish to achieve)
- Reach out to individuals who will help you look within
Each of the above tools and individuals should get you to reflect. This act of taking a pause has helped me. It will help you. Find your ways to reflect. Some have worked for me, some have not. You need to find that formula of reflection that will best work for you and become good at it.
There is no such thing as a self-made person. For instance, I do not know any person who went without food and water for a year and made it through the year on their own. To get where you want to be is going to take a whole lot of mental focus, emotional maturity, psychological prowess, and even endurance. Pause and think if you disagree. Your actions will always involve joint efforts.
It is probably our attitude, a self-tested formula, and the courage to start over that will fix things for you and I. Bring us to where we know we belong. I leave you with words of Edgar Guest, ‘rest if you must, but don’t you quit’.
