You Will Never Know If You Don’t Go
How My Mother Taught Me About Discernment
Eight years after her death, my mother remains a significant influence on my life. She always gave to those around her, especially me, and I am thankful for her love and wisdom. Each year, I better understand the sacrifices she made and the debt I owe her.
In the last month of my mother’s life, she shared the pain she experienced that summer and how she cried every day. She knew my time of living at home was coming to an end, but she hoped for one last summer with me. When I left for camp, she knew that I would never live with her again. She was right.
As a sophomore in college, I wanted to take a risk but was afraid to move forward. I attended a campus ministry, and we joined two other schools for a weekend retreat in Lawrence, Kansas.
The first night, the presentation stirred me emotionally, and I wanted to take action. Someone shared about a youth camp in Colorado and the need for summer staff. I wanted to go, but I feared moving out of state, and I had never worked with children.
Also, my mother and father supported my college tuition, and they were struggling financially. I worried about what they would think if I did not earn more money over the summer break.
Struggling with fear and unable to make a choice, I desired my mother’s input before deciding. I called home and told her about each session and what I was experiencing. She listened and shared her enthusiasm for my weekend.
My voice trembled as I mentioned the job and asked her what to do. With excitement and boldness, she said, “You will never know if you don’t go!” Through her blessing, I experienced a new level of freedom. I knew I needed to go and find out for myself.
Remaining Open to the Possibilities
For 25+ years, my mother’s words have influenced every major decision. When my wife was pregnant with our first son, my employer wanted us to move from Oklahoma to Colorado. As I struggled with leaving our extended family, I heard these words, “You will never know if you don’t go.”
I remained open to moving, and my wife and I agreed it was an excellent opportunity.
Years later, when I contemplated taking a 40% pay cut to work for a non-profit, I thought, “You will never know if you don’t go.” This phrase always reminds me to turn from my fear, remain open, and engage in the discernment process.
Mom’s Sacrifice for Me
My mother gave up her desires so that I could pursue mine. She saw the pain and embraced it for my good. If she told me it was not wise or the money was an obstacle, I would have stayed home and found another job. If she said no, my courage for future decisions would have weakened.
At the time, I did not know of her struggle, but my mother’s self-sacrifice gave me a new direction and strength. I wonder how often my mother and father sacrificed for my success, and I did not see it and never will.
My Turn
Now, like my mother, I face the same dilemma. Recently, my 18-year-old son called to tell me that he wanted to move to Texas.
I am excited about his initiative and what he will learn in a new city. But I am struggling with him leaving and transitioning into a new season. When he goes, I will have less time with him, seeing him a few times each year. I love being around him and enjoy his company, so I want to say, “Don’t go!” But that would interfere with his journey and future.
Instead, I will do for him what my mother did for me. I will tell him, “You will never know if you don’t go.”
