Is Your Relationship Dying? Helpful Ways To Revive Your Marriage
I kissed many frogs and married two before I finally found my prince. I cannot speak highly enough about my current husband, but even our amazing relationship and marriage would flounder without the following ways in which I’ve found to keep it strong.
All married, or long-term couples, go through stagnant periods in their relationships. There are predictable cycles of affection and intense love followed by boredom and complacency. It is up to us to recognize these valleys in our relationships and fix them as they occur. I have shared a few things that have worked in my marriage so far.
It took me a few years to truly understand that, although I might want nothing more than a divorce in the heat of the moment, what I needed and wanted fluctuated just as much as everything else in my life. In a few days or weeks, I always felt completely different from the mad me and what she wanted at the time. As much as I hated to admit it, I had to take some responsibility for our problems. I’d like to say differently, but nothing is ever all one person’s fault as far as marital problems go.
Although it is not a necessity and is sometimes a chore for both of us, the more we have sex, the more connected we are emotionally. I feel like spending more time with him when we are connected emotionally. He feels more like spending more time with me when we are connected emotionally. So at the end of the day, even if you’re not in the mood, just fake it and do it. Most of the time you will be glad you did. Maintaining a great bond and reconnecting when times get tough are the keys to keeping all relationships in your life at a prime. So whether it be by setting a preset sex night or being spontaneous, get sex back up on the calendar again. Whether our physical needs are being met this way or not, it helps us become closer together as a couple. It is intimacy in its finest form.
Speaking of sex, everyone becomes vanilla and complacent after a few years. It is up to us ladies to bring the spice back. Men are generally too nervous to suggest anything out of the box in the bedroom because many women will turn that around into them not being good enough as is. It has nothing to do with that. All couples will go stagnant, it doesn’t matter how great you are in every aspect. Stop taking everything so personally.
Carve out a date night every two weeks or weekly if you can swing it. Having that alone time and one-on-one attention is enough to get the fire restocked a lot of times.
It doesn’t always have to be up to the man to plan the date. Plan one yourself, ladies. He will appreciate every ounce of having that taken off of his shoulders, and he will also appreciate the gift of the date itself. When you want something, give more of it yourself.
With that being said, make sure that you both have plenty of time to yourself and to do the things you both want to do separately. Nobody should have to carry the burden of being somebody’s everything.
Every day should start with a clean slate if possible. Let yesterday’s issues be put aside or, if that’s not possible, talk it out. Treat every day as if it is the last day. Make everything you say be weighed with the knowledge it could be the last thing you say.
If you have anger or resentment that has built up inside of you and makes you bad company, just get it out. Sit down and tell him or her everything that you’re so pissed off about and why you resent them. Get it off your chest, fill in the chip on your shoulder, and then move on from it. If you can’t move on, you need to go see a therapist because that’s not fair to anybody.
Bring romance back
Listen up men, sex and romance are not the same! Women need romance to get more into sex. At least most of us do. Some will flop onto their backs without the slightest provocation.
My mother used to tell me that foreplay begins first thing in the morning and lasts all day long. Everything you do and say all day prior will determine how good the sex is later.
All that you are is all that I’ll ever need. — Ed Sheeran
Find a new hobby ya'll can do together
Some spouses have a relationship based on love and not much else. I know this because my husband and I are one of those couples. We don’t have anything in common at all. But we accept each other for who we are, and we don’t try to change each other.
A relationship based on mutual love and respect is the only foundation any couple needs. The rest will fall into place if the desire is there. So if you don’t have anything in common, find something.
In my many tumultuous relationships, I never could figure out what I was doing wrong to deserve the disastrous results that I got. Now that I have a little wisdom under my belt, I realize that no relationship will win or fail based on one person‘s merit or lack thereof. Both parties must be invested and both parties must be accountable.
I’ll write it again because I cannot stress it enough. It is very hard to take a serious look at yourself, especially when it’s so much easier to blame the other person for any problems in a marriage.
Nothing is ever only one person’s fault in any relationship that is faltering. Sometimes the biggest step is holding your own accountability, even if it is just admitting to enabling the other person. We cannot control other people, but we can control our actions and reactions.