The Uncomfortable Truth About Relationships — No. 3

By Danny Holtschke

Love isn’t about finding the right person but becoming the right person.

That’s a message Neil Strauss, author of the Game, now shares in his new book ‘The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

— My comment

You must first love yourself to be able to truly love others. I believe you can’t give love if you don’t feel love. If you truly love yourself. If you truly embrace yourself — the dark side and the light side.

If you embrace the dark and light side of yourself, if you choose to be yourself, your true self, I now believe that’s a great start and foundation for any relationship.

Know yourself and be yourself every day is the truth about great relationships.

You shouldn’t try to find someone else that complements you. That’s perfect for you. There isn’t the right one. You must become the right one.

An example. In my past relationship, I sometimes felt as if my mother was next to me. I felt pressured. I felt I needed to proof something. I felt I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t express my true desires, wishes, ambitions and goals.

I felt like protecting my partner — by not sharing these things. Now, I know, it’s wrong. I always should let the other side decide how they respond to my drive, emotions, or ambitions.

I shouldn’t protect them by not being myself. My true self. I shouldn’t try to be someone else.

If I want to occasionally work on Sundays, I should do so. If my partner doesn’t understand this and I can’t express the love she deserves, it feels like the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

— My choice

I choose to better understand myself.

I choose to be myself. Embrace myself. Love myself.

I choose to fearlessly love as I protect my own heart and protect hers as well by being myself, not by being someone else!

— My practice

I am a perfectionist. That’s why I find it easy to embrace the light side of myself but find it extremely hard to embrace the dark side.

I asked myself how can you embrace the dark side of yourself? How can you truly love yourself?

I believe the only way to do so is to KNOW YOURSELF.

From knowledge come actions. From actions come results. You must deeply understand yourself — your values, your fears, your thinking and behavioral patterns and so on. There are many ways to uncover your true self. I wrote about it here, here and here.

What can you do to know yourself? Because it’s what I did and do.

Follow a daily practice. Meditate. Eat healthy. Reflect. Get feedback from friends. Have a wolfpack/mastermind group. Got a mentor. Do side projects. Commit to one project 100% — if it feels like a calling. Don’t be afraid to commit 100%. This is as much true for work as it is for relationships.

The art of living is to learn new things each day and to ACT on them. Learn. Apply. Experience. Know yourself.

Share your ❤ below — and respond with your thoughts.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Fearlessly love and build the life you truly deserve.

About Danny: I choose to be happy. I choose to love fearlessly. I build businesses — and have a good life. #LoveYourself #BeYourself — then #ServeOthers #GiveGiveGive

Originally published at on April 12, 2016.