Trump’s Follies, Neck Tattoos & Zika for Everyone : Wednesday at the Stoplight

James Barraford
Beach Sand Kicker
Published in
5 min readAug 3, 2016

Wednesday at the Stoplight is a weekly look at the serious and absurd, the funny and sweet, with some old-fashioned curmudgeon snark thrown in. These are the random thoughts I have while waiting at the stoplight.

Your neck tattoo is a marvelous way to climb the work ladder… for your co-workers.

Dear Donald Trump: The U.S. elections have been rigged for 240 years. Have’s versus Have-Nots. You’re a Have, Donald.

I bang my head to the guitar solo during My Sharona.

When is Roger Stone getting investigated for sedition? Before or after the November 9th riots by Trump supporters egged on by Stone and Trump declaring the upcoming Clinton landslide “rigged?”

As a follow up… if you get your news from Alex Jones and Info Wars, please refrain from breeding. We don’t need more like you breathing our rapidly declining air. Climate change and all.

Oh to be an Olympic athlete this year. Zika flying critters swarming Rio, human turds washing up on Copacabana Beach, doping tests to beat, medals to be screwed out of by the Russian judges pissed that their track & field team was barred …. but at least the IOC provided 42 condoms per athlete. I don’t think I’ve used 42 condoms in forty years participating in the real world sexual Olympics.

Holding my nose and voting for Hillary is preferable to holding my breath while being waterboarded as an enemy of the state under Dictator Trump.

Why do dogs remember how yummy their treats are when begging for one but can’t remember you’re coming home after work?

Wait a minute… cargo shorts are out of fashion? According to the Wall Street Journal they are indeed. Shame on the wife for not letting me know this important information.

If you believe voting third party in swing states is only about exercising your rights then you must not have children who will be effected by the Supreme Court for the next three or four decades. How nice for you. When your LGBT child comes to you in a few years brokenhearted because they can no longer marry the person they love… just console them with the fact that you followed your conscience. That will make for a loving conversation as you both drive to visit terminally ill grandma who lost her health insurance because ACA was overturned and pre-existing conditions are were longer covered.

Follow your conscience though. Good on ya. Stick it to them all. Don’t take any guilt trip crap.

And…. so sorry, Grandma… at least you had a good run.

That Trump for President sticker in front of me seems appropriate on a mud-infested crappy old pick-up truck with fake balls hanging off the rear bumper.

If you don't stop at lemonade stands run by kids then shame on you.

Obama fired?”

Someone needs a civics lesson. Obama hasn’t been fired. He’s finishing out his last term… sadly. Damn you FDR for taking four terms, pissing Republicans off and denying Obama the chance to run again.

If you held a gun to my head and told me to name one Kanye West song other than “Gold Digger” or else……..

Or else.

It was fantastic reading Greta Van Susternen, Britt Hume, Geraldo Rivera, Bret Baier and the rest of the Fox News anchors apologize to Gretchen Carlson and back up Megyn Kelly against lecherous Roger Ailes after the group denounced Carlson as a liar and/or disgruntled former employee in her sexual harassment lawsuit against Ailes.

Oh…. wait. They didn’t? Oops.

Meanwhile, Ailes waddles away with a massive severance package worth $40 million bucks.

It appears that serial sexual harassment pays well in corporate America these days.

The UK issued a Zika travel advisory for those wanting to visit Florida. The CDC issued an unprecedented travel warning for a specific area of Miami. I’m thinking the U.S. Congress should have hung around D.C. for an extra hour or three to discuss Zika research funding. Instead, they went on vacation….. to Disney World and South Beach.

Uncle Joe Biden can be my vice-president for life.

Jarts are illegal to sell because of one tragic death but Walmart sells rifles in the sporting goods section. The same section Jarts would be sold in.

Supermarkets that allow fundraisers next to the only doors in and out of the store are Satan’s minions. If I want to clog my arteries with candy and cookies there are plenty to buy inside the store. I don’t need or want a marauding army of seven year old’s brandishing signs and screaming lungs pitching me a heart attack for one dollar.

I just started watching Happyish and love it. Thanks Showtime for cancelling it after one season. Middle-aged people fighting back against the hubris of twenty-somethings didn’t go over well demographically, I guess.

No kidding.

Donald Trump’s new Comedy Central nightly show starting November 9th is going to be riveting.

Bill Clinton and balloons are not a good pairing.

When Donald Trump says his own daughter should switch careers if she’s sexually harassed then no one’s daughter’s are safe. After the comments he made about Ivanka’s figure, perhaps she’s not safe anyway.

Tim Kaine is exactly what America needs right now. A plain, sweet, nice guy in the White House. Hopefully he’s not secretly a serial killer.

VEEP is the funniest show on TV. Friends was not.

Russia invaded part of Ukraine a couple years back? Who knew.

Normally, soldiers will do most anything to avoid getting a Purple Heart. But not Donald Trump. He WANTS a Purple Heart. He’s ALWAYS WANTED a Purple Heart. As a matter of fact, the only thing standing between Trump and a Purple Heart were four deferments during Vietnam and a draft physical which revealed no heart or courage.

Pandora radio station recommend: Indie Folk Revival Radio.

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You can follow me on Twitter at @Barraford or email me thoughts, complaints, slaps on the back, or go to hell’s at jamesbarraford@gmail.com. You can read past stories at my Medium publication Beach Sand Kicker.

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James Barraford
Beach Sand Kicker

Personal essays and breezy thoughts from the middle of the pack