How Can I Rant Without Appearing As An Red Assed Ape?

by steve wardrip

While I know other people have to work too at jobs like customer service representatives (CSRs), I want you to know that I am still angry when I call about my inflated phone bill. Irate! That’s the word. I’m really pissed off because this arrogant conglomerate steals money from my wallet of hard earned stash.

How may I appear to be a gentlemen, when actually I want to pry their eyeball out of it’s socket with a rusty crowbar and feed it to the sharks? How can I be a nice guy when I need to do battle? Is there such a thing as a nice soldier? “Hi, I just sit here behind my desk and kill people. In my free time I send greetings cards.”

I ask thou, “Is this a sick world?”

One reply, “It depends on your perspective.”

My perspective is one of “Sinking in an inferior life raft in a sea of Piranha fish waiting to eat me alive and tear me limb to limb in a giant vat of burning alcohol to the point of suffocation before drowning in excruciating, on-fire, burning pain, complete with hollywood screams and devilish torture by sadistic intent on inflicting maximum damage, and unbearable pain.

On the other side is heavenly bliss and pleasant CSRs who actually hate their jobs. I like telling them they can do better, to go back to school, get a high paying, rewarding job, borrow the money and don’t worry about student loans. I tell them to get a life and move on from telemarketing into something that is worth their time. Money. I tell them it’s time to quit wasting time and now time to go make some money. Now. Not tomorrow. Today. Right damn now. Quit AT&T, cut your losses and go work for brand new XYZ Company that is paying big bucks right now and enroll in classes. So… guess what? Yeah. This works. So what? Yeah! Punk that, punk!

This is beat.

Easy to say “fuck”, easy to say “shit”

Easy to wank in the sandbox,

You can’t fake exercise, Fake!

Ha!Ha!Ha!