Happy Birthday Son
For Mother’s Day this year, I got Brianna a 5-year memory book that is designed to document, very briefly, what’s happened each day. The idea came from a gift I heard a pastor say that his wife gave him to practice journaling. What’s been refreshing for him is to see how the same day one year apart can be drastically different. There may have been a hardship faced one year and a celebration the following year. Both are a reminder that God provides deliverance to any circumstance and is also there to rejoice with us when we walk with Him.
As we look at Beau’s first birthday, that describes everything we’ve gone through leading up until this point.
We were talking a couple of weeks ago about how we should do a blog post to let people know not only how he’s doing but how our family in general is doing.
On Monday, August 20, Beau had surgery to seal his feeding tube site because it still continued leak acid from the site. He had it removed over a month ago but never did close up on its own like doctors hoped it would. They also took a look at his esophagus and noticed that it was closing up again, so they opened it up more to where it should be.
As for our family, this experience has been challenging for us. Many will come up to us and say that “God chose you guys because He knew you guys could handle it.” Although that’s given with good intentions, it’s actually not true. Brianna and I can’t handle it, but God can — and we’ve been pressed to the limit to be able to trust Him.
There have been countless nights with interrupted sleep, and more recently, days that have included acid shooting from Beau’s stomach onto Brianna that actually slightly burned her skin, and sweet laughs from Beau that end in him crying in pain because reflux comes out of his nose.
My hope is that this will not depress you or bring the mood down, but if there’s one thing Brianna and I have learned so far, it’s that God wants an honest heart. That can mean when you feel joy with Him, when you’re angry with Him, feelings of sadness, feeling alone, confusion, and so on. God wants candidness from us. It’s okay to tell Him how you feel — He knows our heart and our thoughts. In any circumstance, He simply wants transparent hearts from His children. The Book of Job is a prime example of this.
From my observance and also as one who has been guilty of this at times, it is the default of the Christian or even non-Christian to try to change the circumstances they’re in to fit what they view as a better will for their life rather than what God has in mind for them. Everything Christ endured was unfair — but He still humbled Himself in obedience unto the point of death.
What most don’t know is that up until Beau was born, Brianna and I faithfully prayed for a healthy baby. There wasn’t a day where we didn’t pray for that. That was our ideal circumstance, our “comfort” zone so to speak. God had something different in store for us.
He gave us a baby that has impacted the lives of hundreds of people across multiple states throughout the U.S. He gave us a baby that has physically withstood more adversity than Brianna and I have in our whole life combined, just in 12 months. He gave us a baby that has managed to smile and laugh on the days where he hasn’t eaten for 4 hours and is strapped to a board being fed barium by doctors to see how his esophagus is working. He’s given us a baby that genuinely loves life.
That’s what God gave us, and we wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world because as we tell Beau, he’s “mommy and daddy’s blessing.” It’s an honor and privilege to be his parents.
A lesson we’ve learned is that at the end of the day, what we may view as ideal or comfortable in our lives, God has something far greater in mind than what we can imagine, and that’s ultimately something we have to trust Him with.
We thank you all for your prayers this past year and for many kind words spoken to us, always in times of need. This journey is not over and will continue on for many years to come.
Our challenge to you is that if you don’t know the Lord Jesus, repent of your sins and invite Him into your life and act upon that with obedience. If you do know the Lord, challenge yourself to be uncomfortable and to act in obedience to something God may be calling you to do. We’re eternally grateful He’s helped us do that with our blessing Beau. We’ve been able to see Him work in wonderful ways far beyond our comprehension when we allow Him to do so.
“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” — Matthew 6:10
Thank you all and God bless.
-The Baxters
