Are you a jealous bish?
Bia called it a “weak disease.”
Black women who gather in groups can manifest amazing blessings, healing, and protection like no other. When Black women support each other, our families and communities are stronger, serving as a collective womb for all members to be nourished and restored.
But one thing that often creeps in and destroys our sisterhood is jealousy or envy.
While jealousy and envy are both insidious and the words often used interchangeably, they are actually slightly different concepts. Jealousy is about resentment of a successful person or the success itself while envy is excessive desire of another person’s success or possessions.
Personally, I don’t understand how one can operate from a place of jealousy or envy.
Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of other external forces influencing our dynamics as women but when the negative energy, back biting, and low key hater vibes come from within what is supposed to be a sisterhood, it is truly some weak bullshit.
Myself included.
Although I’m pretty sure my bullshit shows up a little differently but more about that in a moment.
I have never envied a friend or anyone else close to me. I can’t even say for sure that I have been jealous of a celebrity. I admire things about people, especially if I can see that how they think or navigate life is different than how I do-an easy thing to do when you are hardwired to be self critical.
So, I love that successful women give me an up close way of understanding humanity and I relish the idea of some of their magic rubbing off on me.
I may have even longed for what they possessed, usually some romantic relationship or freedom in life that seemed Instagram perfect, way before social media existed.
But I’ve never resented someone for what they had or could do. Shit, I wanted their advice and pointers on how they got possession of that thing I desired for myself!
But then, I’m not a jealous bitch*
Seriously! I can’t fathom having emotional ills towards another Black woman who has had her own struggles in life, paid her dues, and made sacrifices that are unseen to me. Not as an adult. A child or teenager? Sure. Maybe even as a young adult in their early 20’s who is still developing emotional maturity. But how can grown ass women throw shade on someone else’s expansion, elevation, or healing?
To seek an understanding, I go back to the beginning of this article.
“Whole Lotta of Money” by recording artist Bia is a song that has become key on my money manifestation playlist. In it the artist says:
“I don’t hang with jealous bitches that’s a weak disease”
A weak disease? “Hmmm… what does that mean?” I thought.
Then I heard an answer:
“A weakness of character and inability to embrace short comings and areas in need of improvement or change or the inability to love and accept yourself while simultaneously holding space for someone who has found their version of the same key you are looking for. “
Well damn! Run on sentence and all!
So if I were to phrase it more compassionately — many lack the courage and resiliency to see themselves fully and to do The Work to get free of their own shackles.
Damn, ok. Innerstood. Basically haters need love too!
Now back to my personal shady bullshit. I may not be a jealous bitch but I am a recovering judgmental bitch (even that’s a judgment.)
A judgmental bitch be like “damn she keeps doing the same shit getting the same outcomes— when is she gonna woman up and get her shit together?!” rather than “I pray she sees her patterns and is able to make a different choice.”
As the first person I judge and always the most harshly, I have rarely asked for support outside of myself out of fear of this judgement.
A judgmental bitch be like “you are too old to be doing the dumb shit you do. You are creating your own suffering,” rather than “I pray she realizes the changes her higher self is trying to get her to make so she can be in alignment.”
This judgement turned inward in the past has contributed to depression and feelings of hopelessness throughout my life.
A judgmental bitch be like “Bitch you just said you are enjoying being single, now you talmbout making an offering to Ogun to get a man,” rather than “I pray she is able to give herself the love she seeks so that love can be reflected back to her by the people around her.”
This is one judgement I have not made of myself since my divorce. Ain’t nobody trying to go through that level of betrayal again so I betta love myself up so narcissists stay away! Learning how to love myself has been my priority.
What I have come to realize is that the spirit of judgment is on the same plane as discernment. I can use that gift to criticize myself and others or to differentiate my thought energy from others or to sense the right decision or paths to take. I can choose to see what I see without judging it but see it as the experience I am having to learn a thing. I can see that person is having an experience in a esoteric effort to align and elevate. I can use my words of power to uplift myself and others to bring the light and love needed to fuel healing and transformation.
So I really don’t know how jealous bitches think because it’s so different than how I have thought most of my life — judging myself and others has its own challenges!
I do know that it sucks to be the target of envy or jealousy (of any kind) and feeling relationships deteriorate because of it.
It hurts, and for much of my life, was very confusing! Whenever I was the object of jealousy/envy, I could not distinguish what the energy was or whose it was. I just knew that when I shrunk and strived to be unseen, the negative energy would recede.
The haters had feasted on my bones and were satisfied.
Fast forward to now, after 50+ years in this body and a lot of betrayal and trauma, I know when that green-eyed heffer is lurking around me — I feel it. I can feel when the energy from a friend or a lover shifts into envy. It’s never a spoken word or super obvious action but palpable nonetheless. The better I have gotten at accepting myself and others without judgment, the easier it has become to know when a relationship is infected with this green poison and shifts to frenemy.
The bottom-line is,
until we as women — especially Black women — solve the issues of jealousy, envy, and judgment — which are really all stem from the concept of competition instilled in us from the surrounding patriarchy, we will continue to struggle with the world not showing us the respect and honor that is our birthright.
The coronation is internal.
No one else is going to crown you except YOU. Once you do that, what could ever be the point or purpose of being envious or jealous of your sister? Of judging your sister? In fact, if you have done your work, faced your own bullshit, and elevated your vibration, your energetic field could not even sustain such thoughts or emotions.
Do your personal work so you can realize you have everything you need inside of you. You are more than enough. You are everything.
Remember Who The F*ck You Are.
*Disclaimer: As a Black woman, I have the agency to reclaim and use the word “bitch” with the implied intent simply be a primal alternative to “gurl” or “sis.” I also have the agency to determine who is allowed to use the word about me or to me about another woman. If that disturbs you, that’s ok. Discomfort is the beginning of growth.
Cause bish, Imma love you regardless🥰
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