San Quentin Letter

Dearest Shakespeareans and friends,

Where to begin…I left last Sunday feeling very perplexed. I came into that situation curious and left even more curious. During our workshop, I forgot that I was conversing with men who were in prison, because that is not the way my mind and soul thinks. I did not perceive you all as “bad” men, or criminals. I do not see people’s mistakes when I look at them, but I try and see a person in a clear view. Our society tries to blur our vision, but I do not allow societal rumors to hinder my vision of humans. I grew up and was called a terrorist or that my family was a part of the terrorist attacks, just because I was affiliated with the Middle East. I did not appreciate people assuming that they knew my soul or my families, because we are good people. Being put into a box when you are an individual is one of the worst feelings, and I did not want to project that feeling onto you all.

When our closing thoughts were coming to an end on Sunday, I became very emotional because I truly felt that you are all such good humans and I did not want to leave you behind while I left to go home to my family. I felt frustrated and confused to why many of you couldn’t just leave as well. It was a feeling I have never felt before. I felt incomplete in a sense because I did not have enough time to hear all of the great advice given to me. I am inspired by your positivity and the healing you are all doing. I just want you all to know that being with you all and hearing all the positivity circling the room will not leave me. I physically left San Quentin, but my mind and heart has not. I feel inspired. I want to stop this circle of incarceration. As a future teacher, I want to start with what I know best, children! I want to set the foundation for elementary school students in order to prevent getting mixed up with the wrong things in life. I am not sure how to do that yet, considering that is a huge issue that involves many different areas in life, but I do want to give moral and mental support to all my students. All students are at-risk and they need to be taught the life skills to be able to navigate through the complications that the world throws at us.

Many of you may know Phil. I met Phil during class this week. When he came, I felt so happy because he reminded me of you all and the experience we shared. He wanted us to share how we felt about San Quentin and once I started to tell him what I thought of it, he began to get emotional. He told me that the way I felt leaving was the same way he felt when he left prison. It was weird for me that a prisoner of 20 years felt the same way as me, even though I did not go through anything close to being in prison. Perhaps I am too sensitive. It makes me very angry at society for the rules we have built, which are extremely backwards. It makes me angry when society thinks the way to rehabilitate men who made mistakes is bunching them all together to learn from each other. It makes no sense to me. Have you ever heard the saying, “Birds of a feather, flock together”? Well this is what I think of when I see hundreds of men who have criminal pasts all together. How can one heal and grow when everyone and everything around them is negative? I realize that many of the men in San Quentin are not like the men in the Shakespeare Program and I have only met a very small population. I understand that, but the way prisons are organized now is backwards. It is very interesting to me that no one is talking about this. I have already finished listening to the podcast, “EarHustle” and during one of the episodes, some men were asked if they can change one thing in prison what would it be. I forget who said it, I believe it was Earlonne, but he said making prisons co-ed. I see how that could be problematic, but he explained that you learn so much from women that you do not learn from men. I agree with this, and of course there would be complications to this, but in a loving and understanding society, this could be possible and the healing of men and women everywhere can begin.

When I look at my students, I see your faces. I see their future and what my actions and words can do to affect my students, either in a positive or negative way. I am more careful with what I say and how I say it. I am gentle with them because they are so innocent and if I can help even one student not go down the wrong path, that is enough for me. I also listen to them. I do not hear what they say, I LISTEN. You all taught me to be more aware of what my students are saying, because there is a lot that they need to talk about, especially if they are having a difficult personal life. Teaching does not start at 8 am and ends at 3 pm. It goes beyond my job requirements to be an educator to the youth and I know that I will be a support system to them. Maybe one day I will educate one of your children or grandchildren.

I promise to have “respects” in my classroom and not “rules”. I promise to teach my students about my time in San Quentin and to discuss issues in society. I promise to listen to each student and care for them in any way that I can, in order to stop the circle of violence. I will help students learn compassion, love, patience, and communication. I promise to intend healing and to share that message everywhere I go. (Intend healing for the last 10 seconds before the new year. I did not forget.)

Thank you, Chris for being the first person to shake my hand and put me at ease. I tend to pick up on the energies surrounding me, which was why I was not nervous. You all made me feel comfortable, because you were all comfortable.

Thank you, Paul for sitting next to me and conversing with me about different topics. I also like your tattoos, I think I forgot to mention that.

Thank you to my lovely small group. I took the poem we wrote and I keep it in my sight at all times. I have it typed below as well.

Thank you all for simply being yourselves and making me feel welcomed and for making sure I was okay when I left, even though I wanted to make you all feel okay. It is funny how I was the emotional one at the end. Go figure.

I hope to cross paths with many of you in the future. I wish you nothing but good health, friendship, faith, motivation, inspiration, and love.

Thank you for teaching and inspiring me,

Deema

A lack of education leads to much frustration

Which grows into the anger that can cause incarceration.

Equal distribution is the solution

Books feed the mind

But ignorance feeds the lies.

When bars transform into books, that’s when we will create educational equity.

We need some clarity with this education disparity

Not lookin for charity or nobody to carry me

Just give me an equal opportunity to reach my zenith.

Through struggle we struggle.