4 Steps to Embrace a New Definition of Hope
Hope, a function of the thought process, lies between the reality of what it is now and taking action in order to move forward in the future
Daily, we are bombarded with information about what is not good, what is not working well, and what is going in the wrong direction. Indeed, hope has never been so desperately needed.
Death, divorce, rejection, discrimination, pitty, unfairness, cheating, losing, mistakes, assault, disorder, depression. Sooner or later, life happens to all of us. But how do we respond to adversity in life? Are we hopeful about a better tomorrow?
Recently, I stumbled upon a new, at least to me, definition of hope.
Hope is not an emotion, it is a function of the thought process. -Brené Brown in Daring Greatly
It takes a level of vulnerability to stay in an uncomfortable state of uncertainty about what the future brings, and of course, we look for a way out of this anxious and irritable existence. Repeated struggles in the past shape our perspective and optimism about the future. Nowadays, it is rather easier to be a cynical fatalist than to believe we have the agency to figure things out. But really, we are selling ourselves short because we accepted defeat before we even tried. Contrary to my previous understanding, hope is not a passive state of mind. Hope is an active way of dealing with adversity.
In the podcast Finding Mastery, psychologists Michael Gervais and Doug Abrams converse about a really interesting fact, the origin of hope. Hope originates in the middle prefrontal cortex of the brain, together with our language, imagination, problem-solving, and capacity to strive for something better than we have. This proves the idea that “hope” doesn’t mean only believing in the outcome as merely true or false. It is a rather interchangeable concept of accepting reality, reshaping the way we think, and coming up with new strategies to overcome adversity.
I used to believe that ignoring anxious feelings was the best way to overcome any challenge in life. You can, too, see how this approach appears suitable. Some things are simply out of our control. If a disaster has already happened, what’s the point of dwelling on it? Move on and stop spending hours in darkness, reconsidering the meaning of life. It sounds better to put on an armor of untouchability and take the inevitable hits on the road, right? Well, no.
Another sensible reaction when we stumble upon inevitable barriers is to simply give up, to stop expecting anything or attempting to be positive. It is natural that multiple obstacles along the path cause us to believe that difficulties will never end. Therefore, if we don’t even bother to aspire for better circumstances, the fewer disappointments we will encounter. There is no danger to be taken, and there is no uncertainty. It appears to be a simple way out of desperation: a safe harbor with no storms.
But what happens if we choose to face our emotions and explore alternative ways to create a life we enjoy?
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. -Franklin D. Roosevelt
Researcher Carol Dweck explains two types of the mindsets: Fixed Mindset and Growth Mindset. Fixed Mindset sounds like “We don’t do hope. What’s there to be hopeful about?” Without hope we easily fall into despair, demotivation, and depression. On the other hand, by having a Growth Mindset we are open to change, learning, adapting, high engagement, and hard work. Growth Mindset helps us to be hopeful.
Hope, a function of the thought process, lies between the reality of what it is now and taking action in order to move forward in the future.
This idea of having a sense of hope is not something we either have or not have. It’s not a talent we are born with. Hope is acquired over a long period of time and it depends on our power within ourselves to choose the way we want to explore our life, the way we want to live. We can make our hope stronger.
By coming up with new ways of thinking, we revive hope. Our difficulties are no longer permanent roadblocks; they have become rumbling stones on the way. The intention to stick to diverse thinking pathways, which broadens our range of perspective and can offer many ways out, is the key to learning hope. Our ability to hope is, in fact, contingent on our ability to make decisions.
Next time we hit the wall and hope seems like mission impossible, we can try asking these questions:
What is going on?
Where do I want to go?
What is stopping me?
Charles Richard Snyder, a specialized psychologist on hope and forgiveness, posed these questions. He encouraged us to utilize scenarios, a powerful tool for the brain, in which we are capable of reaching a desired destination.
To build up our belief, Snyder offered another set of questions:
Which strengths can I use to reach my goal?
Which aspects of my current situation work to my advantage?
When was I successful in similar situation in the past and why?
In a way, hope is a function that includes struggle. A hopeful person would say:
“I believe I can improve. There will be adversity and challenges, but with my actions I can figure things out. I will do my best even if it doesn’t go according to plan.”
When we accept the struggle in our lives, we open the door to hope. We are ready, accepting the presence of bad, to look forward to life.
The knowledge we gain from experiencing shame, failure, and disappointment can be utilized to develop our grit- a determined character to overcome any given circumstance.
When we own our story, we get to write the end. We get to write the future.
How? Here are 4 steps:
1.Set up realistic goals. Goals can be bold, but realistic.
2. Realistic strategy, a way to get there. Plan B as well.
3. Sense of agency. A belief there is a chance for success.
As Snyder pointed out, when we are goal-oriented with motivation to use the chosen strategy, we start to notice the lurking light in the darkness. We start to be hopeful.
4. Social Support
Gervais and Abrams emphasized the influence of socialization on learning hope. Hope is contagious. Even in times of despair, the more hope we give to another, the more hope we will see, use, and deliver. By doing hope together, we feel a sense of belonging and connection. After all, that is the primal human need for living a meaningful life.
Speaking of “hope contagion”, I would like to share my next writing piece with you. Supported by research, I will discuss my strong opinion on why parents have a responsibility to show hopefulness daily to their children.
I hope to see you again!
