My Gender Dysphoria — and the Monthly Visitor
For the second time since I started testosterone shots, I am having a period. I hoped and prayed that the testosterone would put an end to this horrible monthly monster. But — so far that hasn’t happened. 😥😭 This causes my gender dysphoria to be worse than ever. It’s not even something I can adequately describe. It’s depressing and causes my anxiety to skyrocket. It’s at these times when I feel the most trapped in the wrong body.
Dysphoria — the horrible thing that happens when your sense of identity doesn’t match what you were told at birth. For people with gender dysphoria and periods, that time of the month can be an especially trying time, especially because of the overwhelming “female-ness” associated with having one.
Periods can (and typically are) a pain — especially if you experience gender dysphoria. For me, the emotional aspects of menstruation are just as real and horrible as the physical symptoms. Menstruation is a reminder that my body will never be the way I want it.
In addition to the extreme dysphoria during my period, there’s the added stress of having to wear feminine underwear if I happen to use pads. And just the idea of tampons makes me super dysphoric. It’s a reminder of the uncontrollable decisions my body makes without my approval.
As a trans guy, this is so difficult. Scientifically I know until testosterone injections kick in, it’s gonna happen, but I still can’t help but pray that this month is the last. From what I hear, it never stops for some trans guys — even after being on T for years. I hope and pray that isn’t me.
Tampon and pad ad slogans are relevant to cis women. Why do I have to continue to go through this every single month???
A period in and of itself can be uncomfortable for any individual, and being transgender adds another emotional layer to that.
What’s worse is that sites like wikiHow add these ridiculous steps on how to deal with dysphoria on your period. Seriously! These are their recommendations:
- Try using birth control. (REALLY??? What trans man wants to take BIRTH control?!?)
- Try switching methods of dealing with them. (Are you KIDDING me??)
3. Practice self-care. (Ok…that I get. Everyone should practice self-care — all the time.)
4. Eat healthy and drink lots of water. (Again…I get that, but what does it do for the dysphoria?!?)
5. Take painkillers. (Sure…that helps with cramping and pain — but does nothing for the dysphoria.)
6. Exercise (WHO in their right mind wants to exercise while Aunt Flo is visiting?!?!)
7. Wear your favorite clothes. (Now THIS…this one has to be one of my favorites. If you’re a trans man, it’s kind of hard to wear your favorite clothes when you’re starting with “girlie” underwear.)
8. Get pad-friendly boxers. (Ok…first of all, I didn’t even know they made such a thing. But second…and most important…how does this really help?? You’re wearing men’s boxers — with a PAD in them!!!)
Every time I get my period, I deal with severe gender dysphoria. I really hope that it stops soon! This is horrible.
