“There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness.” — Shannon L. Alder
In less than one month, (unless COVID changes things) I will be going in for my next surgical procedure. This is how it’s described in my UNC patient portal. Yeah…a little overwhelming to read and digest — especially when you’re the patient.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
I’ve waited for what seems like forever, seen quite a few doctors, had some pretty gnarly (and very painful) procedures done (remember the needles — 10 of them — between my fingers and toes???), been through a lot of pain, discomfort, and yes…even shame to get here to this place at this time, and hopefully (with Dr. Yemi’s expertise and skills, some luck, a lot of positive thoughts and prayers, and support from family and friends) — I’ll come out of this with a chest I can finally be proud of (not ashamed and embarrassed about).
But I have to admit — and boy have I been trying not to — I’m terrified to once again go “under the knife”. Though this procedure (or it could be more than one) is less invasive, I’m absolutely scared to death. What if there isn’t enough blood flow (again)? What if Dr. Yemi gets in there and finds out he needs to do something different? What if the scar tissue is worse than we think? What if? What if? WHAT IF?!? Then what???
Lately I’ve been thinking about something. I’ve really started enjoying photography. I have this blog that I’m still adding to. I do the occasional video here and there. Thinking of starting to do more on TikTok and actually share my chest (on video) and tell my story. I know it would help others…but I’m so afraid to show my chest live on video. There are so many hateful, close-minded people in the world. And I don’t need the negativity right now. I’m also in the process of getting my website created for my business, GenderBend Consulting, LLC. I don’t want to “turn people away”. SO…WHAT DO MY READERS THINK??? I’d love to hear from you.
I am beginning, little by little, to measure myself in strength and perseverance…not scars.
“Adversity, and perseverance and all these things can shape you. They can give you a value and a self-esteem that is priceless.” — Scott Hamilton
Just over 20 days and counting………………………………………………..
Liam
