Time — Sometimes It’s Not Kind

I’m the boy that was born as a girl — and I have to prove myself every single day that I’m man enough for the world.

I’m not your sister. I’m not your daughter. I’m not your niece. I’m not her. Don’t call me “she”.

I am your brother. I am your son. I am your nephew. I am HIM. Call me “HE”.

This is my favorite excerpt from Planned Parenthood’s website:

Transitioning is the process of changing the way you look and how people see and treat you so that you become the gender you feel on the inside. Transitioning can means lots of different things. It can involve medical treatment and hormones. It can involve changing your name and preferred pronouns. It can involve changing your appearance and dress. It can involve coming out to your friends and family. It can be a long and ongoing process. Or it can be something that happens over a short period of time.

Obviously for me…it’s a long and ongoing process — one that I have to figure out how to deal with on a daily basis. Some days are good…and some days are bad.

Thankfully I have had quite a few people tell me lately that 1. my voice has definitely changed, and 2. my face and head shape have changed considerably. Funny thing is I can’t really tell. Well, maybe I can tell in my voice — just a little. And of course, there’s the horrible fat redistribution. I’ve been really small for a long time, and all of a sudden I’m seeing more fat in certain areas. UGH!

I’m looking for some of the BIG changes:

• Facial hair — I want a mustache and beard more than almost anything! I don’t know why. I’ve just always liked them…and secretly always wanted one. Right now, I have a very tiny bit of peach fuzz on my top lip, but nothing to get excited about.
• I want my period to STOP — cease to exist! I absolutely hate it and it contributes to my gender dysphoria more than almost anything (except for my breasts).
• I want my “chesticles” to be removed ASAP, but…even though my consultation with Dr. Keelee MacPhee is July 23rd, I have to wait almost a year before I can actually have the top surgery. You have no idea how much I want to hug my wife (without a shirt on) for the very first time. OR how much I want to go to the beach shirtless — and jump in the ocean!
• I want more hair on my legs and arms.
• I want the shape of my legs to change. They still look too feminine. Perhaps that’s because there is really no hair.

I could go on and on, but this process apparently takes forever. It’s like a young boy going through puberty, and it’s different for everyone.

Thanks for reading my rants and rambles.

☮ ❤♥

Liam Ashtyn (I just love how that sounds.)