Wanting. Wishing. Waiting.

It’s been some time since I added to my blog. I thought about doing a video message today, but I’m just not quite ready to do that yet.

So…last night I looked at my chest after removing the dressings, because I’m now trying to let it air out every day. The Medihoney seems to be doing a really good job of helping the open wounds heal quicker. For the first time, I could actually see some real progress — though I am far from where I want to be.

Waiting for Advanced Medical to come back with some referrals for a second and maybe even third opinion. They’ve been great thus far and I hope to hear something next week.

For now, there are two areas on my chest that are bothering me more than the rest. Right in the middle of my chest, there are now two (there was one) really puffy places that look ridiculous and feel disgusting. They aren’t fluid pockets. There is scar tissue (hard and painful) around them. In addition, I’ve got some serious scar tissue (hard and painful) near my armpits. I’ve also got some areas that are really puffy under my arms — they look a bit like dog ears to me, but Dr. MacPhee says they are areas that will go away with time.

So, I am thankful that I’m finally seeing progress, but I’m really tired of all the scar tissue, and I’m hoping that someone will suggest some physical therapy for that — because no matter how much I massage it, it doesn’t seem to be doing much, and I certainly can’t expect Jamie to be able to massage it like it needs to be massaged. Plus it’s painful, and she doesn’t like hurting me.

I’m also now able to sleep on my sides — not for very long periods of time, but any time I don’t have to sleep on my back now makes me happy. Now I just can’t wait until I can sleep on my stomach again — since that is my preferred way to sleep. Thinking that’s gonna be a while though.

I’m also still really swollen in my abdominal are — by the end of each day, I literally look like 6 months pregnant. It’s awful. Sounds like I might be dealing with that swelling for at least another 10 months.

On another note, I recently sent my documents in to get my legal name and gender changed on my birth certificate. I mailed the documents (certified copy of my court order, a notarized letter from Dr. MacPhee regarding my top surgery, and a copy of my updated driver’s license) on the 13th. If I haven’t heard anything by the middle of next week, I’m going to call them. Next step is updating my passport.

Thanks to my dear friend, Jodi — once I’m healed she is going to take some photos for me. And she is an amazing photographer. I can’t wait.

Good things are coming. It’s just going to take much more time and who knows what the next steps will be. Hopefully no more surgery…but if that’s what it takes, that’s what I’ll have to do.

I’ll record a video for my next post. Peace and love to all of you.

Liam