Preface from “Becoming Obasan” by Iku Okada

The article below is the preface of my book titled “Becoming Obasan (Ware Ha Obasan)” published in 2021, the 2nd edition will be out in 2024 fall. This is a trial for self-translated writings from Japanese to English.

Comments, thoughts, questions, and grammar corrections are always welcome. Tell me about your Obasans, or your journey to become an Obasan. And, inquiries about any kind of translation publishing are also welcome! The publisher Shueisha will answer them.

We had been raised to be good daughters. We had been taught to study harder than boys and also assist elders at home as little women. Be a decent sister, who never embarrasses parents and brothers, and be worth showcased by them anywhere. Live your life as a fresh-cut flower to be picked and loved, as a sleeping beautiful womb for mankind’s dream, but be awake and prepared a little earlier for the dawn. Do not ever forget that you were born to be a woman. May you be a wonderful wife, mother, and grand-grandmother in the future… These kinds of phrases have permeated our lives for years on end. But no one ever gave us instructions on how to become “Obasan” — the word means “aunt/auntie” or “middle-aged lady” in Japanese.

Even though it refers to the widest mid-part in our brief but surprisingly long lives, Japanese people tend not to use the word “Obasan.” Because it sounds negative and impolite, they say, as same as English speakers avoid to point out ladies as “old” or “middle-aged.” Since the word for our coming era has been censored, we growing Japanese ex-girls had quite limited to see, hear, read, and dream about what comes next. It could be said that we had missed opportunities to be ready for maturity, or were deprived of it for intended.

So, as a single independent woman, I named myself Obasan. I started building an alternative way to become mature by self-taught, against the good-wife-wise-mother myth. This book is my private collection of middle-aged ladies from all over the world, past and present. Although there were so many long-lived weird women existing, they had been ignored and excluded from the patriarchy, or just called bitches or witches to be burnt. Now I could search for mature female figures with a strong bold and queer presence all by my legwork on the street, or in novels, movies, songs, and mangas. When I see good role models or even bad examples to be updated, they encourage me to re-write the world in higher resolution.

Obasan translates to “Auntie” and there is no clear age limit. First, every woman becomes an aunt when the siblings have a newborn baby, no matter how old she is. It is not age that determines aunt-ness, but the presence or absence of younger relatives like niece or nephew. Secondly, a stranger may call a woman “Hey, Auntie!” on the street. In that case, she appears to be an adult female but is not a mother, wife, lover, daughter, or any other relation to the one. Combined with these two, it could be said that women will be called “Obasan” almost automatically and passively, by families or strangers, after decades of their births. But here’s the tricky part.

An ancient Japanese proverb says, “It’s always better to have younger wives and newer tatami mats.” Male-centered society had evaluated females as younger is better, older is less. That affects women as well. More than a few still claim, “Never call me Auntie, I’m not that old!” The anti-aging party bands together and prefers sugar-glazed paraphrases, such as “forever young” or “ageless beauty.” Under the influence of their threats, girls are also too afraid of aging.

There’s no doubt that the negative connotation of “middle-aged lady” came from sexism and ageism in the male gaze. Back to the example of strangers who called us on the street. They didn’t even know our name, and just said “Hey, Auntie(=Obasan)!” instead of any other polite way. They labeled us instantly as “Not my mother, not my wife, she’s not one of my women, coming from the outer space of my world.” It also sounds like, “You look never belonged to any of my bros as a birth-giving machine, or already retired, so you are worthless with no market value.” Of course, I’m not yours, not your things, coming from the world you’ll never see. And you shall never laugh at it.

At least in its origin, “Obasan” is not a discriminatory word to be muted or erased, as same as “Aunt”. Let’s change the view of looking. Obasan is a pro-aging woman who has accepted the responsibility to her life. Obasan takes a step up the ladder, from being protected to being the protector, and from being given to being the giver. Obasan is at the midpoint of the sisterhood passed down vertically through the generations. Obasan cuts off the bad past and bestows the power onto the youths to weave the future. It is not strange for Obasan to be cool, reliable, essential, and admired by society. We adults are always free to be like that of our own volition.

Becoming Obasan is to get own mindset more than the given title. Some might do so in their youth, others might not even in their later years, based on personal, social, or historical backgrounds. I decided to become Obasan around the age of 40 since my career was stable enough to look around. I have no plans to have my kids, yet I connect with my nephews, nieces, and younger friends. If I see any children in struggle, I would like to yell to them, “What’s up? Obasan is here for you!” Because I’m not a girl, and not yet a grannie.

This is my narrative, quite personal and extremely subjective writing. Not an academic paper, but rather to be called the author’s declaration of belief. I cannot conclude yet, for my experiments in life are ongoing. However, thanks to the footprints of many Obasans, we can follow them looking on the bright side of the latter half of our lives, which once had seemed so dark.

I hope this reading will change you a bit; how you look at aunties, or how you feel when you call them aunties. Furthermore, when you become Auntie=Obasan in the future, I hope this book will be with you; as a guidepost for the lost, a small light in the darkness, emergency food in your pocket, or a compass that gives you the confidence to move forward.

From a female memoir in 10th Century Japan to Mad Max Fury Road, this book mentions many titles of novels, movies, songs, and mangas, to introduce and portray Obasan. Such as:

• Aunt March and Jo Bhaer, from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
• Fairy God Mother, from Cinderella and Maleficent
• Aunt with no name, from Kim Ji-young, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo
• Two Old Women: An Alaskan Legend of Betrayal, Courage and Survival by Velma Wallis
• Miss Honey and Miss Trunchbull, from Matilda by Roald Dahl
• Ladies in Green Town, from Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury
• Miss Marple, from crime novels by Agatha Christie
• The Vuvalini, from Mad Max Fury Road
• Mrs. Pepperpots, from Monty Python’s Flying Circus
• Dorothy Michaels, from Tootsie
• The Ring Of Keys of Fun Home, based on the graphic novel by Alison Bechdel
• The Woman Cards by Zebby and Zach Wahls
• Aunt with no name, from The Sarashina Diary by Lady Sarashina
• Aunt Numa by Naoko Nomizo
• Aunt Yukino, from The Premonition by Banana Yoshimoto
• Natsuko, from Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami
• Where the Wild Ladies Are by Aoko Matsuda
• A Poor Aunt Story by Haruki Murakami
• The Ballad of Narayama by Shichiro Fukazawa
• Beautiful Whistling Snow White by Yōko Ogawa
• Olga Morisovna’s Rhetorical Question by Mari Yonehara
• All Too Barbarian by Yūko Tsushima
• Aunt Makio, from Ikoku Nikki(Journal with Witch) by Tomoko Yamashita
• Flowers and Birds in Faraway Lands from The Poe Clan by Moto Hagio
• Three old ladies, from Roommates by Yōko Kondō
• Chimpui by Fujiko F. Fujio
• Message Song by Pizzicato Five
• The Future World Guiding by Obasans by Elizabeth Coll and Kenji Ozawa

and more

Title: Becoming Obasan (我は、おばさん)
Author: Iku Okada (岡田育)
Date of Issue: 06/04/2021
Publisher: Shueisha (集英社)
Format: Tankobon Soft Cover
Price: 1600 JPY + tax
Book Design: Chikako Suzuki (鈴木千佳子)
ISBN: 978–4–08–771747–1
Purchasing Portal: https://www.hanmoto.com/bd/isbn/9784087717471