From False Self to True Self

Darlene Lancer
Becoming You
Published in
4 min readMay 2, 2022

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Image by John Hain

Many people don’t realize that they’re living from their false self. Because the false self isn’t real, you might feel anxious trying to be accepted by others or believe that they can see through you or are judging you. There’s an immediacy and aliveness in living authentically. It requires presence. Hence, depression and feeling disconnected are signs that you may be estranged from your true self, which can be reversed by discovering what you really need and want and then acting to get it.

The false self may also manifest as the façade of the pompous narcissist, the brazen or rebellious addict, and the codependent good boy or nice girl.

Most people function from their false, codependent self. It has kept them safe, starting in childhood, and for some people, in infancy. The goal of recovery is to uncover and embody our true, authentic self. At first, people are usually baffled wondering what that means and how to go about finding and reconnecting to their true self.

Signs of the false self might be:

1. Emotional numbness

2. Feelings of inadequacy, shame, or low self-esteem

3. Anxiety with other people

4. Editing your words

5. Dissociation — watching yourself

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Darlene Lancer
Becoming You

Therapist-Author of “Codependency for Dummies,” relationship expert. Get a FREE 14 Tips on Letting Go http://bit.ly/MN2jSG. Join me on FB http://on.fb.me/WnMQMH