5 Ways You Can Promote Women’s Leadership

You don’t have to sign a petition or lobby anyone. Kelly Fitzsimmons suggests you try showing that you care.

There I was, hand stretching high into the air with a gesture that screamed, “Pick me! PICK ME!” Was this third grade? No. I was a CEO in my 20s attending a Harvard Business School program. I was the youngest in the room by 20 years and one of three women.

After that first day, a gentleman approached and asked me to grab some coffee. He was kind, funny and eventually got to his point. “Why not let some other people share their experiences?” he asked.

I would love to say that I was grateful for his mentorship. But truthfully, I was mortified. I ended up learning a good deal that week, particularly about my own need to look smart.

When reflecting back on this incident, I think about the three other women in the room. Why didn’t they intervene? They never made eye contact, let alone approach me. Instead of taking action to help me, they created distance.

To be clear, I understand and respect why those women looked away. I too worry about how other women’s actions will reflect on me. With so few of us at the table, the actions of one woman can be over-representative and reinforce ugly stereotypes.

So the question isn’t whether or not we take action. We all take action — even in our silence. The question is whether or not we step in and help, even when our approach may be uncomfortable or even embarrassing.

And yet, if we want more successful women leaders, we need to step up to the challenge. And it is in that spirit that I have pulled together five things you can do today to help women succeed:

• Step forward. If you are embarrassed by a co-worker’s action, arrange a private time to talk. In all likelihood, she’s not clueless (like I was) about the misstep, and would welcome your support.
• Ask questions. No one wants to be lectured. Ask simple, open-ended questions: “How do you feel after yesterday’s presentation?” or, “What came up fr you when you received the feedback?”
• Listen. Once you ask a question, make room for the response. Staying silent is hard for me. I’ve found it helpful to silently repeat the mantra, “I have no idea what she is going to say next.” It keeps me curious and out of my head.
• Be kind. It’s easy to provoke shame accidentally. Use personal stories about your own mistakes to show your own humanness. “I remember this one time at my first board meeting, oh my…”
• No advice, unless she literally begs you for it. I realize that this may sound contradictory, but any advice you are willing to share is for you, not the recipient. Your role is to show up and be supportive, not to dispense wisdom.

A leader is simply someone who is willing to take the first step. By having a willingness to step forward into the discomfort and make ourselves available to listen, we become leaders.

These actions may help your colleague as well — raising her up — but that is secondary. These steps are for you, first and foremost.

Kelly Fitzsimmons is a well-known entrepreneur who has founded, led and sold several technology startups. Recently, she co-founded Custom Reality Services, a virtual reality production company whose first project, Across the Line, premiered at the New Frontier program of the 2016 Sundance Film Festival. She is also the co-founder of the Hypervoice Consortium, which researches the future of voice communications. Previously, she was the co- founder and CEO of HarQen. Prior to launching HarQen, she founded Sun Tzu Security (1996), an information security firm, which merged with Neohapsis (2003), where she led the combined company as CEO through 2006. Cisco acquired Neohapsis to enhance its information security offerings in 2014. In 2011, the Angel Capital Association awarded her the Silvertip PwC Entrepreneurship Award. In 2013, Speech Technology magazine honored her with the Luminary Award. She serves on the board of the Executive Women’s Forum, the largest member organization serving female executives in the Information Security, Risk Management and Privacy industries. She completed her undergraduate studies at the University of Rochester and holds a master’s degree from Harvard University.