How to “Listen Like you Mean It”

Ximena Vengoechea says we need to “Reclaim the Lost Art of True Connection.”

Ximena (pronounced “hee-men-ah“) is a writer and illustrator best known for her Life Audit project. Her work has appeared in Fast Company, Inc., The Washington Post, The Muse, and Newsweek. She also finds time to publish a lively bi-weekly newsletter with updates on tech, culture, writing, career, creativity, and other topics related to professional and personal development. Recently we chatted about her new book, Listen Like You Mean It.

Nir Eyal: Why did you write this book?

Ximena Vengoechea: As a user researcher, my job involves regularly interviewing strangers — users and prospective users of our products — to understand their needs, motivations, perceptions, and how our products might fit into their worlds. I’ve spent years doing this at companies like Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest, where I managed a team of researchers. At a certain point in my career, thanks to the listening skills I had acquired, I started to feel more in tune with others in everyday conversations: at the office, I could read the room better, pick up on group dynamics quicker, and more easily recognize what others were feeling. At home, I was able to better recognize when my emotions were getting in the way of hearing others, and when others were holding…