Children should be survivors, not victims

A woman with long curly hair and a bright smile moved her backpack from one shoulder to the other as she approached the reception desk at the university’s administration office. Looking at her, it’s hard to imagine she had to fight for her education as hard as she did, a result of what her ex-husband did to her.

“My husband didn’t want me to be smarter than him,” she said as she filed her intent to graduate. “He gave me a good beating and made me watch him burn my books. Now I’m graduating and bettering myself. My children will not be held back like that.”

The woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, had two children each under the age of five during her struggle with her ex-husband. After six years of marriage, she finally made her escape. Today, nearly three years later, she is graduating with her first degree and beginning another, teaching her children the importance of education and that no one can take it away from them.

Some abusers use excuses far pettier than education, while others use no excuse at all. Domestic violence is never good, but when children are involved, situations get even messier.

The police often call the Department of Children’s Services first when children are in an unsafe environment, especially if they are unsure of the children’s safety.

“Removing a child from the primary caregiver is the last resort, because the goal of DCS is to keep the family together.”

When police are called into a situation involving children, the officer decides the fate of the child. The officer could turn the child in to custody of family, such as a grandparent, or call DCS.

The Department of Children’s Services is active in raising awareness for the children and families of those who are victims and survivors of domestic violence.

“The most important things are the safety of the child and counseling,” said Tessa Proffitt, a forensic services coordinator at the Johnson City Medical Center. “Removing a child from the primary caregiver is the last resort, because the goal of DCS is to keep the family together.”

The DCS website at tn.gov offers resources and information to the parents of children who are witness or victim to domestic violence. The website describes what to expect if DCS is called into a situation and what will happen as an outcome.

“Removing a child from the primary caregiver is the last resort, because the goal of DCS is to keep the family together.”

Counseling would be provided for children who are witnesses to domestic violence, said Leon Marshall, Assistant District Attorney, and domestic violence prosecutor.

“The sad truth in most cases is that children who are simply witnesses receive nothing in the way of counseling,” Marshall said. “They are not legally domestic violence victims if they only were a witness.”

Marshall said because there is nothing he can do for children who are witnesses and not victims to domestic violence, they have to live with what they saw and move on with their lives, often creating abusers and victims later in their life.

According to The Duluth Model’s Domestic Abuse Intervention Project Power and Control Wheel, abusers often use children as a tool to make a mother feel guilty, they use their children to relay messages back and forth, harass her with visitation, and threaten to take the children away from her.