‘And she finally gave up, dropped the fake smile as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered to herself ‘I can’t do this anymore’’
They’ll tell you that the next three years you’ll remember for the rest of your life.
They’ll tell you that you’ll grow and learn.
They’ll tell you that all of the hard work will be worth it.
And they’ll tell you that the memories you gain will stick with you for a lifetime.
They won’t tell you that university will be the loneliest 3 years of your life.
They won’t tell you that you’ll spend night after night crying yourself to sleep.
They won’t tell you that even though you’re surrounded by a sea of people, you’ll feel all alone in a bleak wilderness you so desperately yearn to understand.
No one will know that your heart is half lit and that the thoughts inside your head torment you as they circle round and round. Your eyes feel heavy, not with tears this time but with a draining sorrow that pulls you further and further from happiness. Forces pull you to and fro as you constantly battle between what’s right in front of you and the truth you blanket so furiously. It’s making you tired, it’s making you doubt everything and finally you realise you’re alone.
As the thing you feared most starts to take hold the tears seep one by one down your cheek before the deluge of anger, fear and confusion turn the droplets into a tsunami. There’s no stopping it, there’s no turning back now. Your soul has succumbed to the most painful feeling, the feeling you hoped would never dare roam in your heart and you begin to wonder how you could possibly survive this anymore. And slowly, lying atop a tear soaked pillow you drift into a world where the hurt disappears and the voices and confusion cease to exist.
Loneliness isn’t a feeling that develops like a cold, it engulfs you like a raging fire designed to destruct everything in its path way. It’s like a wave that surges over you and crashes down, washing away any feeling of happiness or content. Loneliness is a monster that wraps its arms around you and grips so tight you can barely breathe. And even when you think it’s over, a photo, a message or words on a page open the defences and like an earthquake tremor it brings even more devastation to the world in your head.
But loneliness can be defeated, one day you’ll open your eyes, crawl out from the warmth and realise you’re only a victim to loneliness if you let yourself. You don’t need friends or family to help you because the only potion you need to vanquish this demon is your own strength. Start to realise that you might be lonely but you definitely aren’t alone. Notice the flowers starting to bloom and the trees waving as you walk by, the rabbits that hop along beside you playing in the grass and the people you pass.
Before you start University they’ll tell you that in the next 3 years you’ll grow more as a person than at any other point in your life. I’ve grown. There are people in your life who take and people that give. The takers are on the side of the demon and those are the people you don’t need in your life. Find people who build you and support you and never make you feel alone.
‘And she finally realised, dropped the fake smile as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered to herself ‘I can do this’’
