From the Outside In

Challenging What We Know About Prisoners

Today’s post is a differentiation from the norm on this blog. Because it is an important component of understanding the prison experience, this blog was written by a family member of a prisoner.

The worse day of my life happened exactly two years ago when my daughter’s freedom was taken away and was sentenced to prison. That day my life was turned upside down and has not been the same since.

She has a Master’s Degree. She’s very intelligent and has a great sense of humor. She’s loved by everyone because she’s one of the nicest, kindest people one can ever meet. She’d never been in trouble and had no criminal history.

And now she’s in prison. I used to think prisoners belong in prison. I thought they were all terrible people. And now she’s considered to be one of them!?

My husband and I visit her every other week. I quickly realized “them” are not necessarily all bad people. “Them” are human beings just like my daughter. They all have a story to tell. Many of “them” made a stupid, terrible mistake, just like my daughter. Many do not deserve the punishment they got and some don’t even deserve to be in prison. They definitely should face some sort of consequence, but a consequence that is beneficial and fits the crime rather be stuck in prison where there’s really no lesson (of value) to be taught.

We’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many of my daughter’s friends from all walks of life and races. I haven’t met one person I didn’t like. When we visit her, I look forward to seeing them. I look forward to giving them a hug.

It’s so sad to see such nice and wonderful people put in the same place as the hard core criminals that have no soul. And because of that, they’re all put in the same category and therefore thought of as degenerates by the outside world and unfortunately even by the prison guards.

I never gave a damn about prisons or prisoners. Unfortunately there are many others who think the way I did. Now I see how wrong I was. I wish it didn’t have to hit home in order for me to take a deeper look into this foreign world. What used to be a non-factor in my life is now a part of my life. My daughter lives it.

The stories she tells me about how they are treated, the disgusting food they eat, the so called mattresses they sleep on, consistently running out of hot water to shower in, heaters not working in the winter and coolers not working in the summer makes my heart hurt…not only for her, but for all the inmates.

I ask myself why I am mentally in a good place at a time like this. The reason is because my daughter’s head is in a good place. Throughout the two years in prison she has never played the victim. For her the glass is always half full. She manages to turn any awful, gut wrenching situation into a sitcom. She cheers up the inmates and makes them laugh even when she’s scared to death inside. The toughest and scariest inmates turn to mush around her because of her sweetness and innocence. She manages to make even the meanest of the guards crack up with laughter when she speaks.

I thank God every day for her strength and her positive outlook. It’s what keeps me sane. I thank God every day that I was wrong.