Change
A few years after starting personal development, here i am.
C. Befoune, Kamga Tchassa, Anne Kedi Siade and so many more but those are the one, even in my deepest struggle with time, I can’t help but follow or read. Try them. They are awesome. like for real. They talk about the real deal. Do i sound in love with them? I am, Some I know, some I read but they are getting out the real S***. Your mind can’t help but get wide open to feeling, to being when you read them.
So back to topic lool, here i am, no where closed to who I was.
I see it, in the mindset that I have, in the objectives I fix to myself and the way to deal with them when i mess up. Messing up is GOOD lol. kinda make you feel alive, in hurt, in pain, lonely, FEELING (weird i know) but revenge is near revenge to life, getting up again, fighting fiercely for you, for only what matters to you.
I see it in the people I attract. I still attract people in search of warm, but now people around me are entrepreneurs, or CEO of little/big entreprises, and that changes the way you see things. It’s like you are learning everyday. They live so many things that they change every single day and you feel like you absorb knowledge and wisdom XD.
I see it, and I am sad and happy.
I wish “younger me” was this confident.
Confident that she could be whatever her heart desired. She could create her own path, live, lift, to her own belief.
I wish younger me was stronger.
Stronger to face, the deny of others of who you are or what you want. I wish she was stronger enough to kick out dummies ( friends and friends ++) out of her life.
I am sad because now that I am free to live(lol), I can’t do that anymore because I am doing what I believe I should be doing NOW. I am older, less able to get fresh quickly after a party for example.
I wish, I could see how boyfriends relations would have been with this grown-up, mature woman. I wish this me just had exciting relations with more and more interesting boyfriends.
I know, I am supposed to be doing whatever I like. But life is a matter of choice.
I love who I am, what I do. It’s a tough life but yeah, this feeling you have, when you KNOW you are better than yesterday and there have so many rooms to grow. As a woman, As not being held by the word woman, as a human, as an ambitious person, As a free will…
As a SCRUM MASTER. This is litteraly what i am, who i am, and what i want to be. It’s a job, but it is so much more than that. it is about helping people, creating a great environment, it is about empathy and love for others. ok its a job and an IT one, but as i said, it is so much more. Yeah I found the job of my life, for now… yep you all know what I mean. We change so much that maybe tomorrow the job of my life will be teacher in a nursery school XD.
I am grateful. This year more than others I have been blessed. My friends, my family, my job. I am not where Iwant to be, but where I am is not a bad place. And Some days it looks awesome.
Going through depression, anxiety, self-loath, and now being able to have peace, is magic. I know troubles are coming lol. Thats life.
But I take these few minutes to say Thank you!
