Doubts, Identity, Gender
Every single time I hear “ I am a boy/girl, so its ok for me to do this…” I always cringe. I have to bite my tongue strongly to not reply/argue fight back.
If your inner thought after reading this is, boys are differents from girls, you are damn right. But can you tell me any end of that sentence that only men or women are ok to do. Please don’t hesitate to comment below.
Should I get that girls/ boys are genetically( gendertically) programmed to do so?
If the only answers you come out with are things like giving birth, then you make my point.
That sentence isn’t a truth but a common “excuse”.
Because of my upbringing, I never thought I could do less than a man, this until I joined society….
Message from society: I am not a good woman because I want equality at home. Why only at home? Equality at work is a right, so no need to talk abt it.
So for my friends or others, I was wrong, I was running from my culture.
My upbringing and who I am was built while being in my culture (Cameroon), and me saying it out loud was when I came in Europe. So please my African friends stop about the “France changed you thing” thank you.
I grew up in Cameroon and I never liked to do chores, no one does I know lol. And I never thought it was a girl thing to do. We were 3 children at home and chores were shared equally. I didn’t have to throw the dust as it needed strength. So my little brothers did it. It was more because of capacity than a question of gender, my brothers were stronger. And when my brothers weren’t there, I had to do it.
I never cooked until I was 18.
I was never told a girl should cook. All I was supposed to be was “well raised” and well educated, good at school and that mostly it.
I grew up with my father. He is the one with whom I lived. And kill that “it makes sense why the “lack” “ because I spent weekends with my mom and even if she is a very good cook, she never stated that a girl should cook. Lol, she actually said a girl should cook to keep a man lol. That’s another PB loool.
So from this context I never associated being a woman with chores, cooking or the stability of a house. A man can do it all and perfectly *grin*( Look at my dad).
Back to my friends, so I am not a good woman because I hate to cook and so I don’t, I hate chores, I throw my stuff everywhere in the house. Oh and yeah because it is not my duty to take care of a man.
And that’s when I get all the “how can you be like that, where is this life form coming from”.
Jokes aside I was 17/18 still building my personality and it was a great deal. The world was right and I was wrong. I wasn’t good enough. The worst type of woman.
I felt bad, for not being a good person. I tried my best to lean in. To cook for someone else, to be a good housekeeper and take care of my boyfriends. I mean it is the culture right? I shouldn’t deny my culture.
I wasn’t good enough being smart sweet empathic joyful etc etc….
Btw cultural thing : even Beyonce sang let me upgrade u. It is a worldwide thing that women upgrade men, because we are smarter right? Yet we shouldn’t shout it out loud to not attack the egos of men. Girls don’t have egos shush. *grin*
After hitting the ground really hard, I started to fight back. I couldn’t decently be a bad human just because I didn’t like to cook dammit. And moreover that I didn’t think it was my duty as a woman. I decided to fight for the right to be me. To be a woman like me. That’s where my fight for feminism began. A fight for the right for every woman to be who she wants to be.
Love,
Fanny
