You Don’t Have to Keep Yourself Small Anymore
You’re in control of your own narrative now
--
Growing up, you were probably told to be less of something. To quieten, suppress, fix, hide away some part of your personality, your psyche, your internal makeup, for fear of it not conforming with traditional societal norms.
“You’re too loud”, “you’re too quiet”, “you’re too chatty”, “you’re too fidgety”, “you’re too lazy”.
We’ve all heard one, or multiple, similar notions during childhood.
Really, you were likely never “too” anything. You were just being you, which is always more than enough. Please, remember that.
The person that was telling you to be less, likely didn’t do so because they actually wanted you to be less. Instead they were likely projecting their own beliefs around shame and indifference onto you for fear of not conforming as a parent or guardian.
There’s a reason why parenting is often drastically different in public, versus how they parent in the privacy of their own home. In public, parents adopt a softer, more socially acceptable tone. They parent in the way they think they are supposed to parent, in a way they think conforms to expectations and will be societally approved. They don’t show the real, raw, honest home-version of themselves for fear of it deemed to be the “wrong” way.
Just as your behaviour was corrected as you grew in a way to make you appear, be and function “correct”.
Please, know that you don’t have to live like this anymore. Please know that living, and being small, is not something that you asked to live like.
There’s no quick-fix to reverse this ingrained conformity and desire to be “good”. But if you’re willing to show yourself the kindness, patience, understanding and willingness to unravel the ingrained subconscious beliefs, you can finally come home to your true, authentic self.
Where the smallness began
Sadly, consciously or not, those beliefs that were projected onto you will have formed an area of your life.
You adapted a part of yourself that was seen to be outside of the normal to your peers, and made it appear externally, at least, as “normal”. Whether big, ever present and all consuming, or deeply buried in your subconscious but subtly affecting everything, those beliefs, despite your best efforts, affect your daily life.
Being repeatedly told to be less, to conform, to suppress parts of yourself by someone you trusted to raise you into being a “good”, and socially approved, person, is what you thought was the “right” way to behave. While it might have been at the time — when taken into adulthood, it has the potential to change your entire narrative and quieten your authentic potential.
If you were told you were too “quiet” and you’ve associated that as a negative trait with your lack of reaching an acceptable volume or presence — you may now hear that niggling in the back of your mind every time you socialise and leave you questioning your ability to socialise, subsequently develop anxiety around doing so.
If you were told you were too “loud” and you perhaps associated that with fear of appear too “much” — you may now assess your volume versus that of your peers, questioning whether your projection matches the seemingly accepted level.
If you were told you were too “passionate” and you’ve negatively associated passion with childish excitability — you may actively try to feel less excitement surrounding things, detach yourself from things you feel joy around.
Please know that these aren’t parts of your personality to fix. They’re just parts of your personality. They’re parts of you. And incredible ones at that.
To be quiet is often a sign of deep thinking, reflection, introspection and respect.
To be loud is often a sign if innate confidence in yourself and your values or morals.
To be passionate is to love, to be excitable, to find joy in the small things that otherwise go unnoticed.
Please, if you relate on any level, please, celebrate those parts of yourself. Love them. Cherish them. Appreciate them.
Being repeatedly told you’re “too” anything triggers a comparative response. To be assessed and determined that you’re “too” anything means there’s been a level that you’ve been compared against, and whatever trait you’re exerting has been deemed to exceed those accepted levels.
All impressionable children want to do is to fit in, to be like everyone else, to be, seen, at least, as “normal”. You trust your caregivers to raise you to do so, and if their assessment identifies you as anything but, you trust their judgement and aim to please. So you adapt yourself to the accepted levels, consistently assess and question that trait, and keep yourself small.
You keep yourself a lesser version of you.
If you’ve grown up with the belief that you’re “too” anything, you don’t magically reach an age where it no longer matters. There’s never an end to wanting to socially please and be accepted, nor is there an age where others opinions stop mattering, subconscious or not.
Because even the most prolific emotionally intelligent person still naturally desires the acceptance and pleasal of others. It’s in our DNA. It’s unavoidable.
So if the one, or two, or three, or multiple, parts of your personality you suppressed when you were young, you’re going to suppress when you’re older, out of the desire for acceptance.
Rewrite your narrative
It takes great consciousness to notice these behaviours that trigger consistent questioning thought patterns. And only when you become aware of the repeated thought pattern do you gain the power to re-programme it.
If you’re reading this, you’re no longer a child under the parental nurturing to raise a socially accepted human. You’re a fully grown adult, capable of mastering your own narrative, your own power, your own self.
Please know that you’re in full control to release yourself from feeling as though you’re “too” anything and fully own and embody the full and whole human that you are.
The conditioned part of yourself that you’ve associated as negative and lessened has likely been labelled as “bad”, “work in progress”, or “to be fixed” in turn for your acceptance into society.
But when you really question this — take a look around you, at your peers, at those you see to be accepted. Are they embodying similar personality traits? Are they still loved, accepted, functioning? Do you like, love, that personality trait in them, and wish you could fully embrace it within you?
Please know that you can live as seemingly carefree and confident within yourself as they do. Inherently the problem lies with them — their culture and their belief that to conform is the only way to live. Because the belief you’ve ingrained and caused you to life an inferior life is purely their thought projection that you’ve taken during an impressionable period of your life and adopted as your own.
And please know that this is all it is. A thought, an opinion, a judgement. It is not a fact and it no longer has to define you.
If you want to free yourself of this questioning and smallness, it will take incredible patience to waive through the inevitable discomfort. There’s no quick fix to re-programme your narrative after years of living another.
It’s during this time that you must show yourself the upmost kindness, and forget about anyone else’s opinions of yourself other than your own. Because to free yourself from the smallness projected onto you from one to adopt the beliefs of another is doing yourself a disservice when you could be funnelling that energy into your own acceptance of self.
Truly, your acceptance is the only acceptance that matters.
You don’t need to keep living the life of a smaller version of yourself. You’re allowed to live, embrace and embody your life exactly how you make of it.
If you enjoyed this — you may like to subscribe to my newsletter!
