Random Thought Process
It’s All Intrigue with Relationships
Right?
I considered this quite recently. Since the end of November, I have visited the bakery on the high street so many times that I have lost count. Why? It’s not because the sausage rolls are out of this world. On a good day, they are warm enough to make the rest of the journey home. On a normal day, they are less than average. I have eaten them so often that I’m convinced that if you cut me open, you would find the shadow of a sausage wrapped in puff pastry. The puff pastry might just be the best part.
Anyway, you might be asking what leads me to this bakery, which is small in comparison to the variety of food places on the street. It’s the customer service.
I met a boy. It is incredibly cliche but it’s true.
I’m not sure what pulls me towards him, but it has certainly made my life more entertaining. There’s a buzz that I feel after walking in there and it feels similar to what I imagine espresso does to people.
I’m not sure what I think about him. I think that he could be cool, that he probably has a story I want to hear. I want to know why he’s afraid to use more than a little chocolate powder in his hot chocolates. I want to know what the rest of his face looks like, whether he has unkempt facial hair or an even nicer smile than the one he gives with his eyes. I can’t believe I just said that, this is unmentionable, okay?
I’m not looking for any sort of romantic relationship, because I’m not ready for that at this stage of my life, and it would be unfair to myself or anyone else to jump in half-heartedly.
However, I want to say more than “can I have a sausage roll, please?” It’s why I asked for a recommendation. And when he chose the second most bearable thing on the menu, I was ready to jump off a roof. An extremely low one, with a mattress on the floor but it’s all the same.
I don’t know why I care so much, and I hope that I know the answer in the future. I’m not currently bold enough to launch myself into casual conversation but I hope that one day, the words will be brave enough to come out on their own. And even if he is only a small part of whatever my story is, I hope he is a good step towards what comes next.
In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying Wednesdays. More than I have in a long time. Wednesdays used to resemble British weather: really good or really bad, with no in-between. Now, I stroll into the bakery on the high street after surviving sixth form and enjoy quality customer service.
But it’s all intrigue, right?
I’m going to conclude this quickly because I have never felt more exposed publicly than this. My main issue with wanting to post this article is the effect it will have on the future version of myself. I can already tell that I will roll my eyes and cringe incredibly. It feels like I’m setting myself up for that.
But if I can’t start with being more open with myself, how can I expect to be more open with others? I think this is a nerve-racking step, but it’s necessary. With every other boy I have ever been interested in, I refuse to write about it in the present because I don’t want emotions to wreck my judgement. I think it’s probably the fun part though. What do you think? Maybe I’ve got it all wrong.
I’ll stop talking now.
Thank you for making it this far. I hope you’ve enjoyed this article to some extent.
Have a great day,
-Rieko :)
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