Love Is Not the Secret to a Happy Marriage

Here’s what will actually make it work

All of us have been duped. We grew up on love songs, fairy tales, and Lifetime movies that told us that “Love conquers all.”

It’s B.S.

Don’t get me wrong. Love is fantastic. It’s a high that I wish could last forever — better than any drug you could take. But that’s the point. Love, that kind of euphoric high love, doesn’t last forever.

With my first marriage, I was in love, but it was never that euphoric love. In my 20’s I was very goal-oriented and he, as one of my friends said, checked off all the boxes. So, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was being realistic and practical. I loved him but I wasn’t blinded by love. I mistakenly thought that the calm feeling I had as I waited to walk down the aisle meant that this was the right thing to do. The problem was I had ignored all the red flags while we were dating (Tip — if you’re going for couples counseling even before you’re married there might be a problem.)

What I hadn’t factored in was that the problems we had before we got married wouldn’t magically go away afterwards.