From New York to the Bay of Bengal
This story first appear on Being Rahmah the personal site and blog of Rahmah Aan.
I suppose living in Bangladesh is not a novelty anymore and it shouldn’t be. I’ve come to understand the cycles now. We have been here since 2005 and learning to live here hasn’t always been easy. Of course, for me, on arrival, there was a huge adjustment for my digestive system. Anyone who has visited India or Bangladesh know what Deshi Belly is and I remember getting hit with it multiple times. The first time just a day after coming here. We were asked to attend a gathering by our Aunt and off we went. I ate nothing different than anyone else, and yet there I was sick all night long. It has happened in years now, so I guess either Bangladesh has improved or I have adjusted.
When we announced to friends back in New York that we were going to live in Bangladesh, for my husband it wasn’t really a big deal. After all, he was born in Bangladesh and although he had spent most of his adult life in the U.S. to him it was going home. When Bangladeshi-American friends received the news all turned to me and said: “how are you going to live in Bangladesh?”. The idea was far-fetched, ludicrous or just unimaginable to them.
To put their thoughts in perspective, many who migrate to America come from villages, inner city areas or had migrated so long ago that their idea of Bangladesh is not the reality I live in today. So, while their concerns were genuine they were not based on where I live. I live in Gulshan which is in Dhaka. Not in the old part of Dhaka or a village which could have been on their minds back then. Although, even many villages are more modern now.
For my husband and I, the first challenge was mornings. We were habituated to getting an early start, getting shopping and banking done before going to the office. Also, we were used to stores and banks being open and ready for service early. Grocery stores, most pharmacies and banks don’t open until 9–9: 30 am here. Banks, in particular, are difficult. First, although they do open at 9:30 am, don’t expect service before 10 am. Opening an account equally challenging. When we first came to Bangladesh, you were required to have a work visa to do it and only a company get apply for you to get it. My inquiry to a banker “what if I am a housewife?” back then was met with a blank stare at best. Now things have changed a bit for wives of Bangladesh nationals or dual nationals (like my husband). We approval from our spouse we can open an account. This still irks me, but I take it as a win for now.
Environmentally, noise pollution has been a big challenge. We are used to only hearing car horns beeped out of necessity and thereby only occasionally like during a wedding caravan in the US. In Bangladesh, drivers live by the horn. It is constant and they are not concerned how close to a person they are when the hit the horn. So, it has been a huge adjustment to live with the horn. Another environmental issue is all the dust in the air especially in winter. Some actually develop allergies to it. Dhaka dust is very challenging.
Today’s Bangladesh has modern shopping malls, grocery stores that could compete with Stop & Shop and Walmart very easily. I live in a modern suburb of Dhaka where we have beautifully paved streets and recently updated sidewalks.
It has helped immensely that I am not alone. In Dhaka there over 100 foreign wives married to Bangladesh born men. We gather as a group and share our difficulties to help each other along the way. It is not surprising that many of us have begun documenting through blogs like I do from time to time. Emma and Lisa are just two of a bunch of us.
My transition here has been less about materialistic things, but the mentality of day-to-day life. I have always been independent. Living here has meant learning to allow people to help me. Whether it is household staff, friends or family. Sometimes it even demanding it where necessary. Allowing staff to hold a door, wash things, cook things, carry things all has taken a great deal of mental restraint. However, not allowing this in some ways demeans you to others. As if by doing these things yourself means you are less to them. This is the challenge.
It can, however, make the going back home even for visits more difficult as my friend Emma discovered when she decided (or so she thought) to deliver her second child in the U.K. The idea was one out concern as she had faced difficulties with having her first here in Bangladesh. However, living in the U.K. even temporarily without her support system and husband there proved overwhelming and before long she was back here in Dhaka. This time around was better for her, so all is well with Emma and her growing family.
In Bangladesh, there are social cycles, rather than seasons. Our year essentially starts with the school year.The school year brings Halloween which strangely enough is a social holiday in Bangladesh. No, you won’t get trick or treaters at your door, but parties everywhere. From Expat Clubs, Hotels and private ones. Halloween is a major event in Dhaka despite it being very un-Islamic for the most part.Some of this is due to the comings and goings of other expatriate friends, but also due to the summer travels of others.
We all wait impatiently for winter. The cool weather brings rooftop and outdoor gatherings we also anticipate how long winter will last. Bets are placed. 2 weeks, a month, maybe a bit more? Will be very cold, somewhat cold or just not humid. Really its the lack of humidity that helps us all during winter.
Another large celebration is the Bangali New Year, Pohela Boishak that comes after International Language Day and the Independence Day of Bangladesh. Pohela Boishak marks the first day of the Bangali calendar, the month of Boishak. With Boishak comes rainstorms and the year beginning with a storm is welcomed by all with hoops and smiles. There are parades and parties all over Bangladesh welcoming in the new year. So, in Bangladesh, we get 2 New Year’s days. That is very cool.
Then, of course, there is the Islamic calendar that all keep eyes on as well. Ramadan is a huge month for socializing. From Iftar parties, Tarawih prayers, to Sehri parties. It is a month of fasting and of food. Shopping for new Eid outfits creates huge traffic jams wherever there are stores or malls. Once Ramadan ends in Eid ul Fitr, all await the arrival of Eid ul Azha. Both Eids are multiple day celebrations of parties and family gatherings.
In our family, we sort of blend it all in. We celebrate July 4th and, of course, Thanksgiving among the American holidays. Many friends couldn’t believe that we could continue the tradition of Thanksgiving here in Bangladesh, but we have celebrated it every year and with Turkey. From friends with access to the American commissary some years and directly ordering from the American Club on others, we have never had a year without a bird.
Another great holiday we couldn’t do without is the Fourth of July. Every year we celebrate with a celebration at the American Club or sometimes a reception at the US Embassy (sometimes both). Some friends also have private BBQ parties and although there are no fireworks, we still enjoy a great day of fun, frivolity, and remembrance.
Would I go back? In the right context, yes. However, for now, it seems we are here for the long haul as many have done before us. Somehow we are making it work in our own way.
About The Author
Rahmah Aan is the pseudonym of Lori Imdad who is the Executive Director of Oomph Bangladesh and ABFA USA, Inc. She is also an Education Consultant forASIS (an American school in Bangladesh). You can connect with her on Twitterand Facebook.
