ADHD and Secure Attachment style
Attachment is when a child attempts to seek physical and emotional intimacy from an adult or caregiver for comfort, support, nurturance, or protection., Children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety.
Insecure attachment has biological impacts on the child, creating problems with stress and biochemical. And hormone regulation. It can increase the risk of intergenerational transmission.
The core of attachment theory is that primary caregivers (given that they are available and responsive) to a child’s needs allow them to develop a sense of security. That’s how an infant learns to trust that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to explore the world.
Start Early: There is no rocket science; it’s as simple as providing unconditional support.
Now, “100 % acceptance of your child regardless of everything” is a stance that is exceptionally provoking for many parents because it raises the question of: “How can children learn to behave if they are not taught what is right and what is wrong? How do we be okay with a child throwing off a toy? “
The difference is that with unconditional love, you heal the frustration or meet the need more effectively. Fulfilling this need rather than punishing your child for the ‘annoying’ expression of the demand is much more rewarding for both of you.
This explicit focus on needs is also central in what may be called positive parenting and attachment parenting.
Your child’s needs could be,
- “Mom or Dad, I want your attention, and I want to be held.” Or,
- “Mom or Dad, I’m hungry and tired and need to eat and sleep.”
Now, this was just one aspect of parenting unconditionally. Another question j am often asked is: Do we shower our child with praise regardless?
Praise is an expression of love. Still, in the parenting realm, praise becomes an instrument of control in the sense that we teach children that: “If you do what I say, I will show you love” or “If you disobey me, I will withdraw my affection, become angry or simply ignore you.”
Unconditional support is not award related.
Unconditional support is a constant which provides essential security for the child. It may surprise us to learn that self-esteem doesn’t come from giving children trophies and stickers or telling them they’re the most incredible, most intelligent, or most wonderful people on the planet.
Instead, self-esteem grows from feeling capable and understanding. It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement.
If a child is terrified about going to the doctor for a vaccine shot, you don’t want to dismiss the child’s fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them.
Childhood experiences and early developmental factors, such as early attachment, warm parenting, and supportive family and learning environments, create neurobiological and behavioural ‘chain reactions’, establishing life course trajectories and making them sensitive to risk and protective factors. Attachment experiences are vital for sound social and emotional development. The first three formative years of life are essential to shaping the basis of a lifelong footprint. Early life experiences shape the course of a lifetime by promoting and acquiring mental capital.
Mental capital includes cognitive ability, emotional intelligence, and the ability to experience a high quality of life and engage in and contribute meaningfully to society.
Secure attachments are the result of receiving comfort and care from a caregiver rather than simply the result of being fed. Parents need to understand the developmental trajectory.
There are four distinct stages of attachment, including:
- Pre-attachment stand: From birth to 3 months, infants do not show any particular attachment to a specific caregiver. The child’s signals, such as crying and fussing, naturally attract the caregiver’s attention, and the baby’s positive responses encourage the caregiver to remain close.
- Indiscriminate attachment: From around six weeks of age to 7 months, infants begin to show preferences for primary and secondary caregivers. During this phase, children develop trust that the caregiver will respond to their needs. (While they will still accept care from other people, they become better at distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar people as they approach seven months of age. They also respond more positively to the primary caregiver.
- Discriminate attachment: From about 7 to 11 months of age, babies show a strong affection and preference for one specific individual. They will protest when separated from the primary attachment figure (separation anxiety) and begin to display anxiety around strangers (stranger anxiety).
- Multiple attachments: After approximately nine months, children form strong emotional bonds with other caregivers beyond the primary attachment figure. This often includes the father, older siblings, and grandparents.
Children adopted after 6 months have a higher risk of attachment problems.
Adults’ time and attention are significant to children, and we need to be sure that we are tending to their needs other than when they engage in challenging behaviour.
Listen to your child and be empathetic, help the child understand what they are anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their ears. The message you want to send is:
“I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”
References:
- Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss. (OKS Print.) New York: Basic Books.
- How Attachment Theory Works
