Grieve As You Must, and Break Free of Believing in the “Steps”
Too many therapists and their patients have been led to believe there’s a formula for grieving and that everyone must process the five steps—nonsense.
There are times when we must open up and share our experiences, especially around grieving, and this is one of them for me.
Years ago, just after my mother had died in hospice care for her metastatic cancer, a nurse from the unit at the hospital called me. She inquired about my well-being and then expressed shock, annoyance, and a hint of shame (for me) that I hadn't started going through the traditional—and completely incorrect—stages of grieving. The nurse was, in fact, lecturing me as though I were a child, which was quite a long time ago. It was disrespectful.
I was not only taken aback, I was angry. Here I was, totally wrecked after my mother died after months of our caring for her at home, and she was lecturing me on how I was doing it all wrong. I will never forget that phone call and cutting her off. After that, I never responded to the few calls that came from the hospice unit in the hospital. I’d had enough shaming from her. The point here, and one I want to make for anyone who is grieving, is that there is no formula for grieving, and any health professional who adheres to it has been misled.
