Jesus didn’t cure my mental health. Someone lied.
“You don’t need medicine; you just need prayer.”
“You must be doing something wrong.”
“You just have to surrender to God.”
“Deliverance can help.”
You’ve said it, I’ve heard it. I’ve heard a plethora of things people have said about mental health and Jesus. I’m “not doing enough”, and that’s why I still have OCD and depression. I “need to work harder to grow stronger.” At one point, I felt like giving up on Jesus because I didn’t understand what more I needed to do or give up, because I had already sacrificed so much and begged God to show me what else I needed to relinquish for healing.
I stopped reading my Bible and wanted to forsake Christianity altogether, though I had explored so many religions and knew that this one was true. I couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t be healed as the church said. But after talking to a friend, I realized maybe the church is wrong. A little back story… If you’re unaware, my childhood was a nightmare. It was filled with a lot of abuse, neglect, and drugs, which severely affected everything about me especially my mind. I developed manic depression, which is considered one of the most severe forms of depression. Imagine being consumed by sadness every day, every second of your life. You feel no need to eat, bathe, or do anything. You sit in a dark room, with the windows closed and want to talk to no one. That was me for years as a teenager. I searched for a doctor and was put on SSRI’s. On top of that, I had OCD, but not the stereotypical kind where you constantly wash your hands or clean surfaces. Instead, it was the type where you can’t stop overthinking, like there’s no off switch for your mind.
Before finding a better life in Christianity, I tried various religions in search of life’s purpose (Islam, Judaism, Hinduism..etc.) Eventually, I felt a connection to Jesus, and found that he was the only God I prayed to that answered my prayers at the time. Accepting Jesus brought so much relief; I felt happier, I felt joy that I hadn’t felt in years, though sadness still lingered.
Upon joining a church, I was told God could heal me without medication. Encouraged by this belief, I decided to stop taking my meds. Initially, things seemed great; I felt content and happy with surprisingly no withdraws. Reading the Bible provided comfort during sad moments. However, my OCD didn’t improve. Instead, I became consumed by thoughts of my past sin and felt condemned by God. This led to overwhelming fear and paranoia, making daily life unbearable.
Despite seeking help from several churches, I received similar advice: that I didn’t need medication, and my suffering was because I needed “deliverance” or I needed to give up a “hidden sin”. I tried everything they suggested, but nothing worked. I begged God for healing, crying and feeling so broken I would have been willing to do anything asked of me, yet nothing changed.
Talking to a friend who faced similar struggles, we realized the church’s teachings were causing more harm than good. Perhaps God has given us the tools we need, including medication, to function properly in society if needed. 2 Peter 1:3
Every person’s journey is different, and God works in mysterious ways. However, the church almost drove me away from Christianity. Years later in prayer, I felt like God told me the reason he didn’t heal me from my OCD years ago, was because I would have walked away from him once I was healed.
Looking back, though there were times of silence from God in my faith, I’m grateful I remained steadfast.
I urge others not to let the church influence their decision regarding medication. The Bible doesn’t provide clear guidance on antidepressants or other meds and if it means you may walk away from Christ, it’s better to stay and be medicated then to leave.
While I hope to be medication-free one day, for now, I’ll continue to worship and love Jesus until the end. Bless you all.
Do you like my writings? Read more content from me.
I write about Jesus. I DARE you to take a Chance on him: https://medium.com/believersandsaints
My life as a Parent, trying to raise a human thats better then me: positive-learning-with-alex
Indepth stories of my childhood and how its affected my life after: https://medium.com/own-confidently
