Nothing fulfilled me, and after the party was over… I still felt empty.
God sent a man to save me. Then I married him.
I think most married people can agree that marriage is hard! It is definitely harder than I thought it would be. On top of that, my husband and I got married after five months of even knowing each other. Yes, Five months! The thing is, I don't regret it one bit. If it was up to me it would’ve been three months. I truly believe God sent him to me when I needed him the most and heres why…
I was sending myself to Hell.
Growing up in an abusive household led me in a downward spiral as I got older. Eventually I ran away and was on the streets for a while. For a short time I was living out of my car. I began to indulge in alcohol, sex, partying, men , etc., to feel loved and escape all those years of sadness from my childhood. But of course in the end I only found more sadness, behind those year of sadness I tried to escape.
No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him.
The God who stoped me from my own self destruction.
Unbelievably, through all of this God was there for me. I could’ve been raped, beaten or even murdered in the conditions I repeatedly put myself into but yet I’m here today. I was a self destructing time bomb looking for anything to detonate the pain I felt. Nothing fulfilled me, and after the party was over I still felt empty. Eventually I began to lose friends because I just wasn’t fun anymore. My friends felt like they had to babysit me because I would drink so much I would blackout. This was Thursday- Sunday occurrence. Eventually I took a closer look in the mirror. I wanted more for myself I just didn’t know how. So I began to pray to God to help me.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you
Looking back I don’t know what he saw in me.
At that time I managed to get off the street and was living in a apartment. I was trying so hard to turn my life around. I also began talking to two guys, Wes and Hondo. Wes was so sweet and kind that at first I thought it wasn’t sincere. I wanted to be in a relationship with a godly man so I prayed for God to expose who was true. I wanted to be a wife. I knew I needed someone to help me be a better person. The next day Hondo blew up on me because I was so tired and wanted to go home instead of have sex with him in the backseat of his car. Right there I knew it was time to fully pursue Wes.
Looking back I don’t know what Wes saw in me. He saw the beauty that I only thought guys saw when I dressed provocatively . He showed me the love that I only felt from a guy when I had sex with them. He taught me about the bible and why other religions are false. Of course, I eventually started diving deep inside the bible myself without him and I realized everything that I thought I knew about God was wrong. God is loving, merciful, good and forgiving and he can forgive even my worst sin.
To this day we’ve had our ups and downs for sure but Wes would always say things like “Why don't we pray about it?”
He is my Prince charming and I truly believe without him I wouldn’t have found God when I did.
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Matthew 6:8 ESV
Thats my story,
Much love,
-Alex
