“The problem today is we are filling our void with things that don’t fill our void.”

-Pastor David Lynn

We use other things to feel our void and push God to the side.

I heard one of my favorite pastors say “The problem today is we are feeling our void with things that don’t really feel our void.” When he said that, I really felt every word. If there is one thing we all have in common as humans is that this statement stands firm with almost everybody. We’ve all had a time that we used other things to feel our void and then pushed God to the side. I think a lot of people can agree that in the end, feeling our void with earthly things never really filled our void. Or maybe it did for the moment, but once it was over we were still back at square one.

I dated guy after guy. I had sex with guy after guy.

This afternoon I was actually talking to my husband about this topic. I was so blessed to have a God who saved me from my younger self. A God who saw that I was searching for someone or something to feel my own void no matter the cost. A God who loved me even when I pushed him away.

As some of you may know from reading my older blogs... I had a rough life. I mean it was bad. Abuse, drugs, neglect etc. I experienced it all while growing up. As a child, I craved for that love I never had. So, because of this, as I moved into my teenage years, I became very promiscuous. I thought a man could be the one to fill my void. I just wanted someone to love me. I dated guy after guy. I had sex with guy after guy. I constantly thought that in return those men would give me some type of love. In the end they didn’t, it was always temporary. They always let me down.

“Oh no, you’re going to have an abortion right?”

When I figured men couldn’t feel my void I moved on to the next “thing”. I remember thinking if I had a baby, then my baby would love me and fill my void. So I continuously tried to become pregnant by any man that I was currently dating. I know… stupid, right? But remember I was so lost then.

Honestly I didn’t care if that man was going to be there long term, I just wanted someone to give me a baby. I just wanted something, anything to love me. But, yet again that didn’t work out well. I tried so hard at times to become pregnant but it just never happened.

Well until…

I began to date a guy named Muhammed. In the beginning he was so sweet and kind. I actually thought I finally found the perfect person to have a child with. I felt like he genuinely loved me. A few days passed and I hadn’t started my period. When I finally hinted that I maybe pregnant, he dropped his head into his hands like he was overwhelmed with regret. He then turned to me and said… “Oh no, you’re going to have an abortion right?”

When he said that, I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. That was the last straw.

But yet again…

I moved on to something new to feel my void and left God out of the equation. I turned to alcohol, partying, etc. You name it.

When I was at my weakest I finally gave in.

Looking back at those days, I clearly see how the Lord saved me from “me”. I see now that those earthly things could never ever feel my void.

But yet I kept searching for them.

I’m so blessed to look back and see how my life has been totally transformed. When I was at my weakest point after all of that extra nonsense I put myself through… I finally gave in. I remember thinking, what did I have to lose at this point? So I started seeking God, and when I did, I found him. Even when I was on a path to destruction and a life full of regret… He saved me. God loved me when I didn’t love myself and I just feel like I can’t thank him enough for that.

Don’t let your guilt stop you

As I look around I see tons of people going down that same old road I once was going down. Still feeling their void with nothing that feels their void. I know at times you may want to turn to God, but you’ve been putting so many other things before him, for so long you feel like it’s too late. I promise you, it is not! So why not let God feel your void? What do you have to lose? If you haven't, I challenge you to open your heart and your mind to God. Take time to seek him like you seek other things. Read your bible, try to understand him, ask questions. Seek and you will find. Currently you’re breathing and I’m so very happy that you’re reading this. Don’t let your guilt stop you from building a relationship with God. He is yearning for you!

Sending so much love your way,

-Alex