The Greatest Goal Scored This Week

Ruben Neves step aside.

It was put to me that I should begin today’s blog not with a report of my own footballing antics, but with a description of a goal scored by mate Coxy.

“Not one to toot my own trumpet,” Coxy wrote in our WhatsApp group. “But you should have seen one of my finishes at five-a-side tonight. Loz could base his daily blog on it.”

Well, I’m a bit busy to write much today, Cox. So the floor is yours!

Note: If possible, the following passage is best read in Coxy’s thick Mancunian accent:

“I used my trademark Carlos Tevez-like tenacity to win the ball back around the half way line,” he began.

*Coxy’s never been known for his tenacity.

“This immediately put us in a two-on-one situation with me on the ball. The runner was used as a decoy, as he was never getting the pass.”

*Coxy’s never been known for generosity in front of goal.

“I used his run and a shift of my body weight to go past the last defender (no pace to get past him).”

*Coxy did actually used to be quite speedy but the fast-twitch fibres seemed to burn out after we graduated Year 7.

“Then I gave a little faint to put the keeper on his arse. My finish was a nice outside of the foot lob across the goal with a nice bit of spin on it which took it into the corner. The lob was risky, but it was delicate enough not to break the no-overhead height rule, which made it all the better.”

Cheers for that Coxy — if anyone else has dream goals to report, please send them my way!

I tried to channel my mate’s creativity and goalscoring prowess in the training we played tonight, but didn’t get too many opportunities to break out of midfield. So I don’t have anything quite as dreamlike to report back to the WhatsApp group — or here on the blog! Fun, competitive session though.

Off the pitch, Sara and I are busily putting together the final preparations for our brothers’ and sisters’ arrivals tomorrow and Thursday. Sara has a colour-coded spreadsheet detailing our hour-by-hour plans for the week and I’m off to fuel up the car before our airport run tomorrow.

We can’t wait to have you Casey, Kristen, Sophie and Jonny. Fly safe!

• Thanks for reading. For more daily updates, join me on Instagram @lauriebellfootball and over on Twitter @lbellbell if you don’t already!

See you tomorrow. Cheers!