LIFE, HUMANITY, FAMILY
3 Pains People Do Not Know In Caring For Aged Parents Daily
it isn’t a bed of roses despite the heavenly rewards religious people preaches…
Caring for a grandparent when you are a kid isn’t the same when you’re an adult. It seems simple as a kid. You just have to…
- look at the adult push the wheelchair anywhere they want to go,
- hold their hands when they can walk in case they fall,
- smile and make them laugh at your complete dramatic innocence…
As an adult? It takes more than these especially when you have to bring bread and butter home.
Nobody tells you the pain of caring for your old parents.
So, this is my purpose of writing — to tell those wearing the same shoe as me that you are not alone.
1 — Loss of Sleep
With the loss of sleep comes the loss of health. Obesity catches easily as I go into sleep deprivation.
The day comes very tiring even before work. The night comes exhausting, and I can’t sleep.
Hunger pangs are common when sleep is lacking. The body’s crave for sugar escalate when morning comes.
Cortisol, dopamine, insulin resistant, melatonin, and fat hormones which help to burn stubborn fats get badly affected.
When these happen, my metabolism goes downhill. I read in articles related to inflammation that diabetics has got to do with metabolism rate slowing down.
Never a day I get to sleep soundly like a baby without waking up at the slightest sound of a pin drop to the floor.
At the sound of anything as soft as the dragging of my dad’s feet in the darkness, my subconscious mind sends signals me to get up.
To get some beauty sleep is to eat the pills — either sleeping pills, anti depressant or simply paracetamol pain relief tablets.
My chest often gets painful loud beating rate. Knowing I have exacerbated asthma, the doctors sufficiently cautioning me symptoms of heart attack.
I feel my life cut short having to care for my parents.
I accumulate very dark eye bags as if I am under magic spells. I lost my health, fitness, rest and so on…I am short of breath often.
I was a joyful soul back to my country from Yemen. Now I see a hugely inflamed (obese) woman, with dull skin, and less of a joy illuminating from myself.
I gained so much that I could see my stomach bloated like I’m pregnant. Double chin shows up pretty obvious.
It gets demoralizing day by day, but part of me do not wish to trade the days with my dad to work.
2 — Loss of Income
While getting a full time job with a decent pay of 3k dollars has been difficult for my age, having a part time job doesn’t help much either.
For almost 2 years working part-time, I manage to save nothing. In fact, I have been using my personal savings to cover where I am lacking money, even to go to work.
As of date, I entered the new year unemployed. Well done.
I feel lost. What’s next? İ went freelance.
It is pretty demoralizing doing an in-house part time job for companies, and earning barely enough to feed another 2 mouths.
The thoughts of full time job kept creeping into my mind. To wait till the elderly died to be free from them did occur. I didn’t want to waste my time or age.
But to throw the elderly aside was impossible. Everything fell upon me no matter what. Life felt meaningless having to care for people all the time. I felt no chance to live life, chase my dreams, sit for my university, and earn more in the industry.
I had to forget myself. Forget I’m alive. Forget I’m living. Because no other siblings should sacrifice their selves. Imagine living in a family where I had a mom who followed the traditions of her late dad — one child must lose out everything for others to excel.
I gave up life since the day my dad’s health demanded more attention — Right after my late Aunt’s death.
I watched the world in joy of achieving their goals or dreams while mine met death or dead end. A long time ago.
When you are a caregiver, part of your life already ended.
3 — Loss of Me-Time
Nobody will tell you that when you care for your old parents, you have no time for yourself.
Your parents will not tell you that you will likely need to give up your friends because during off days you will stay in.
Staying in can be demoralizing to your spirit too. You have to watch these fragile people whose positive energy depletes day by day.
They need your energy as they grow weaker. They absorbed your positive energies so much that you feel more tired than them.
So, having your me-time means you are going to work except that you’re not working.
You can dress up like you’re working but you take your rest elsewhere. Sometimes you buy a movie tix just to sleep two hours in the cinema.
Amazingly, you will find that falling asleep in the cinema recharges your energy better than sleeping at home.
That is how you survive as a caregiver especially when the rest of your siblings also play a game with you.
They only partake when your parents are giving their final breath. They appear at the funeral and last rites. Or they visit once a week but behave as if they are caring for their parent under their roof.
These are just common 3 Challenges on faces being a care giver. Just think about those days when your elderly seems to have partial dementia.
As for my case, brain cancer.
The moment they quietly sneaked out of the house, you will get the anxiety of uncertainty where they are and if they’re safe.
The last you will want to hear is that they may harm others due to their dementia state.
Sometimes you may wish they leave the world faster. But sometimes you may look at them sympathise and emphatize their state.
Afterall they’re your parents.
I hope that those of you who struggle with care giving and feel stuck do write. At least I will not feel alone going through this.
And I write that if you are going through this, you are not alone.
Good night
N. A.
