Do You Feel Guilty When You Set A Boundary?
If so, you probably have a fear of conflict. Let’s take a deep look into why you should never feel guilty when setting boundaries.
Firstly, What Exactly Are Boundaries?
To simplify it, boundaries tell other people how they can treat you.
Whether it is with your romantic partner, your co-worker, or a stranger. Without them, people will treat you in an unwanted way because you have not defined the limit.
Boundaries impact your sense of safety in life.
A feeling of safety does not only depend on what happens to you but also on how you learn to protect yourself.
This means physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries.
“If you avoid conflict to keep the peace you start a war inside yourself.” — Cheryl Richardson.
I Ask You To Question Your Beliefs.
The guilt faced when holding boundaries is often linked to destructive core beliefs that tell us prioritizing ourselves over others is selfish.
We then begin to lose ourselves in other people. You do not need to make yourself small so that others can feel big!
We are scared to assert ourselves because we are afraid of upsetting people — and afraid that we will be abandoned if we do. But the reality is that you will never be able to keep satisfying relationships if you are falling into a pattern of self-abandonment.
Some Symptoms Of Self Abandonment Might Be:
- Codependent Relationships.
- Not speaking up for yourself.
- Not trusting or validating your own instincts and feelings.
These things say “your feelings are more important than mine.”
I want you to understand that self-abandonment can and will never bring you closer to another person.
How Do I Find A Solution?!
Step 1: You have to create a sense of safety in all areas of your life. Release toxic people, places, and things from your life. I’m talking about shitty lifelong friends who are not aligned with you anymore and harmful habits.
Make it your mission to ask yourself what your mind and body needs on a daily basis. Listen and take action with your full attention.
Commit to an overflowing amount of self-compassion.
You must fill your life with nurturing relationships. Safety isn’t just the lack of threat but also the presence of genuine connection.
Step 2: You must get creative and strategic in how to get your needs met.
The sad reality is that many people do not even know what their needs are or how to get them met in mindful ways.
When we do not clearly define our needs we tend to try and get them met in dysfunctional ways. Such as people-pleasing (the need to feel valued, wanted, and safe), which leaves us feeling tired and stepped on.
It’s also extremely hard to set healthy boundaries if you don’t even know what they are in the first place!
So commit to pinpointing and fulfilling your needs thoughtfully and frequently.
Step 3: Practice, practice, and practice some more!
After all, it is a skill, the more we are willing to step into discomfort and practice the easier it gets. Stick with it.
Always remember If you want to live a happy life, you need to master the skill of disappointing others and prioritizing yourself. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to mirror your deepest desires.
