Like I Need U

But you don’t need me, like I need you.

Baby, I call in the dead of night
But you don't need me like I need you
Pray that I won't be alone

“What are your plans for today?” I heard he asked me through the phone call.

“Uhm, I’m going nowhere, I guess.”

“Do you want to spend some time with me?”

“Of course.”

Maybe the word “stupid” doesn’t adequately describe how fool I am.

It all began with that dreadful community I joined. Actually, there is no issue with the community. The community is fantastic, assisting others with special needs in self development and the capabilities to launching new ventures for them. That community was excellent and insightful.

I have bipolar disorder, and I decided to join that community to help others, to make myself less useless and miserable. At the very least, that’s how I felt at the time. And he, the main lead of this story, was a new member of the community until a few months after I joined.

He’s tall, and he has eagle-like eyes. His nose is pointed, and his chin is sharp. His hair moved in time with the rhythm of his steps, looked so fluffy and made me want to ruffle it. He’s stunning.

I have no idea when this sensation began. I used to think of him as a great listener. He understood what I was saying. And when I needed it, he gave me sound advice. Unquestionably best friend material. However, lately, just by seeing his gorgeous face within a few meters of me caused my heart to race wildly.

Laying on the bed
Waiting for your text
Babe, there's nothing left
Faded, I'm a wreck
Afraid what's coming next
Wish we never met
Laying us to rest
But baby, I beg you

Did I expect to not meeting l him if I given the chance?

Half of my heart, however, says yes. The other half of my heart, on the other hand, is overjoyed that I know him and can be close to him.

Friend. Begin with being his closest friends. He claimed that we are friends.

Friends, on the other hand, will not drive tens of kilometers just to catch up with you when you tell them you’re in a bad mood and need a hug. Friends don’t wake you up with affectionate nicknames like baby, hunny, or love, or even send you a voice massage with his deep morning voice. And your friends aren’t going to kiss the top of your head every time you see them, am I right?

I made an effort to keep this relationship as normal as possible. I’m determined to keep our friendship platonic. But, after being showered with such love, which woman can remain normal?

If there is one in this entire universe, please let me know. I need to learn that from the expert.

Too soon with a drunk call
In the middle of the night
You took it, my fault

When he came to see me that night, I could still accept it. He stood in front of my house in the pouring rain, drenched. I let him hug me despite the fact that I know the rain will itch my skin. I let him cry at the crook of my neck, let him stay, and slept the entire night holding me.

I know that when your friends are sad or in mourning, you will be there for them, just like a good friend you are.

But, is it my fault, though, if it happens repeatedly and I become at ease in his arms?

How can it be my fault when you are the one who makes me like you?

We're better on our own
Tonight I'm getting throwed
(S)he never comin' home
Stay with me
Say you'll leave

Being with him is the most grateful moment for me, but it is also the one I most want to avoid.

I really like how he cares my hair with his fingers.
I adore the way he lightly kisses my cheeks and head.
I love how he wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk through the crowd.
I love the look on his face when he sees the picture I just took with his phone.
I admire... everything he has done for me (well, this story would be as long as the Holy Bible if I continued).

I only have two issues with him.
First, he had a picture of himself with another girl on his desk, right next to the one of OUR picture.
Second, even after he realized that friends don’t do the things we do, he still labeled me as “his bestest friends forever”.

“So, what do I do now?” I enquired of my closest pal.

“You must, of course, start removing your feelings.” And my best friend advised me to stop calling each other disgusting nicknames.

“You already have enough idiots in your life to take care of. There’s no room to add more,” she added up.

“I know”. (deep sigh)

“You’ll end up hurt.”

“I know”. (deeper sigh)

If we fucking, are we just friends?
Are we just friend?