My Parents Tried to Bribe Me to Make up with My Brother
Happy Easter for all those who celebrate it and happy holidays! Holidays can be a rough time especially if you do not have any family or friends who are like family. I remember last Easter like it yesterday. I still had not socially transitioned yet but my family was relatively fresh off the news of my transitioning when my brother outed me to my parents…things were in a very tense, fragile state.
My family i.e. mainly my mother still claimed they “loved” me the same yet the way they reacted in such an adverse fashion is something I will never forget. So I decided to put that love to the test at the time. My mom texted me asking if I was going to go to church and I said if you come to the church down the street from me, I would be more than happy to get all dressed up in high heels, do my hair and makeup. She immediately rebuked me and told me I was either going to go as God created me or she wasn’t going to go. She then said I was going down a path she could not follow. So much for that so called “love” that she had for me. (If this sounds familiar, it’s becaue I wrote about it last April but a quick refresher doesn’t hurt for context).
Fast forward to this Easter and things are better with my mom despite recent transgressions which I have touched on in my recent writings. I’m still not on speaking terms with my brother because he still has not apologized for what he has done. But I was over my parents house the other day for one final trip before my upcoming FFS surgery and I brought the issue of them helping me financially. Mind you my parents bought my brother a house up closer to where we all live so it was more for selfish reasons having my brother’s kids closer i.e. their grandchildren. They claimed it was coming out of his inheritence so it was justified in their minds. They also said my brother was to pay rent…which he hasn’t.
I also found out recently that my parents bought my niece and nephew each a car (nothing new but still, very generous). They claimed it was coming out of their inheritance as well. Look, my parents are retired and they are just trying to enjoy retirement and they recently took a few trips to Italy and Costa Rica which I am all for them enjoying the years that they scrimped and saved, I want nothing but the best for my parents. So long as they are the ones enjoying their retirement funds.
But when you hear about how everyone is getting lavished with gifts that’s from their future inheritance and I’m over here spending thousands of dollars on the transitioning process, you can imagine my frustration and frankly my resentment. That’s because all you hear nowadays is how high the cost of healthcare is, especially for assisted living for seniors. There are plenty of people my age now that will never see a dime of their parents inheritance because they might one day have to be put in an assisted living care and that retirement goes pretty fast living in assisted living. Hell, my mom worked in a nursing home for over 15 years so she knows firsthand about this!
I will admit I am blessed to have a great job and can afford the basic needs of life including the unfortunate extra cost of transitioning so I might come off a spoiled rich kid that is not getting their allwance. That could not be further from the truth. My parents raised my brother and I (no other siblings) very modestly, often sharing clothes as hand-me-downs and even gifts for Xmas between my brother and I. My first car was a $500 1988 Dodge Aries, lol. So I do not want to give the image of ungratefulness or an opulent lifestyle. But it’s so so hard to see my parents making everyone else’s life easier and here I am going through the most difficult time in my life and my parents are literally giving everyone everything while they for all intents and purposes abandoned me.
Having said that and fresh off my meeting with my parents, my mom texted me asking how much I have left on my Mortgage (I don’t have much left as it will be paid in full in three years). I sent her the amount and she tried to call me to discuss. I texted her back saying that I’m busy all weeked and we can discuss on Monday after Easter. I mean my Mortgage isn’t going anywhere, lol.
So the thing about my mom is whenever she calls me and it’s not in text message form, I know it’s something wish washy because she knows I work in the legal field, I want everything in writing, lol. She leaves me a voicemail that basically was like “we’ll call you tomorrow to discuss your mortgage.” Tomorrow being the day before Easter Sunday i.. Saturday.
I could see where this was going seeing by how they made it a rush by needing to talk to me before Easter. So I sent a text back to my mom saying something along the lines of this:
“I know what you are trying to do. You are going to offer to pay my Mortgage off in exchange for coming to Easter and making up with my brother. NO DEAL. My integrity and morals cannot be bought with what is essentially a bribe. Have a blessed Easter”
The confirmation to the bribery came when my mom texted me back saying “regardless, we’d still love to see you, the family would.” Do you really think I’m going to go to Easter dinner??? Really??? You literally offered to bribe me thousands of dollars to go and I refused. Also that resentment has now hit a point where do I not feel like being surrounded by a bunch of people who are enjoying a happy go lucky carefree life financed by you guys where their biggest worry is running out of eggs or milk.
But what about me? I’m worried about my safety and the slurs people hurl at me. I’m worried now whenever a man follows me on my walks or the weird stares I get a bar. I do not know if they want to beat the hell out of me or leave me a alone. They do not have that constant fear or threat of violence in their lives. Ultimately, their lives are easier because of your money. Mine is still as difficult as ever if not more and all you have done is make me resent you and the so called “family” by your actions.
I know many of you have told me to move on from my family and that’s easier said than done, especially having not really found a solid base of Chosen Family. But my love and character are not for sale, never will be. This offer is just down right revolting and insulting. Just like the fake apology I received from my brother, this makes things worse. Isn’t it weird how whenever my family thinks they are helping me but in reality they are making things ten times worse? I guess that’s how you know they are truly family, lol.
In any event, all I can do is look towards the future and my gender affirming surgeries and living my life to the fullest for the first time in my life. I can only control what I can control and if my parents want to give all their money away so be it. I’ve said it before, I wouldn’t give up how I feel or look for all the money that my parents have. They can keep it or waste it on my brother or make large donations to the church…doesn’t matter to me because it’s inconsequential to how I now feel about myself. They say living your best life is the best revenge and that is exactly what I plan on doing! All the Best and Happy Spring everyone!
