After the fireworks have gone
Last night as I celebrated the 4th alone for the first time in 16 years, the time of raising my kids, it was a bitter sweet moment to be heading out by myself but like many of us I was swept up in the rush at the last moment and instinctively scurried out to find a location where I could see the fireworks near to my new home in California.
Funny thing is I’m just like most people only mildly interested in fireworks but we all feel compelled to go. Nestling into a good spot I waited among other groups of people as the fireworks lit up the night sky of a small valley leading down to the ocean. I wondered as I gazed on where and how my next 4th might be celebrated.
That thought led me to my next which was if I’d always be spending these nights alone not just without my kids but without anyone at my side in a relationship. I haven’t given much thought to being alone because I have been so busy raising my kids and running my business that I barely take any time to even think about a relationship let alone text someone or consider dating.
But last night was different, I had time, a lot of it to let my mind wander watching the starry tipped blasts of light scintillating through the clouds of smoke left in their path. Then it occurred to me, “Will I ever experience intimacy again?” and a great well of sadness rushed up through my body into my eyes crippling me in my tiny plastic chair with it’s bitter sadness yet sweet release.
That question hung drifting in the air with a non-judgemental calm as rippling sounds of boom boom boom echoed through the valley in this ritual of light & sound. The cooling breeze of the ocean’s air pushed the pungent smoke along. I watched through to the finale and gather up my little place setting for this brief moment of observation and walked home with an inexplicable gentle smile on my face.
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Terrence Kelleman
Inventor, Artist & Dad
DYNOMIGHTY & Mighty Wallet;
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DEGENDUDE NFT Art Collective
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