Gay Mormon Utah
Numbers when words are not working
10 is the number of children I share with my spouse
3 is the number of ex-husbands between us
18 is the number of months I spent serving a Mormon mission
5 is the number of years I spent earning my degree at BYU
25 is the number of years I have contributed to my profession
11 are the years I have spent teaching at a university
5 is the number of hours I live from Salt Lake City
2 is the number of hours I live from Sin City
18 is the number of bright eyes that look up and financially depend on me
3 are her words when she tells me she loves me
Read: 2 Moms 10 Kids.
Addendum Nov. 5, 2015: Today, LDS Church officials announced that in order for our children to be recommended to be baptized or serve LDS missions, they must first denounce the marriage/relationship of their same-gender parents and move out the home if they currently share one with a married or cohabiting gay parent.
Amy and I signed domestic partnership papers two years ago (anniversary is this week). We were married in Seattle five months later. Together, we have five teenage boys — all of whom have expressed a desire to serve missions — as have some of our daughters. All of our children of age have been baptized members of the Mormon church like we were. Each of our baptisms was a happy family celebration.
As mothers, we love and support our children and their efforts to set goals and make positive life choices. We offer opportunities to pray and to read and discuss the life and gospel of Jesus Christ. On Sundays after the kids attend church, they are and welcomed home warm with dinner and welcome conversation about lessons learned, scriptures shared and hymns sung during service.
We encourage our children to live honestly, contribute and serve in the community, travel, pursue creative interests, study well, love others, and work to achieve personal peace, health and happiness. One son served an honorable LDS mission in Portugal and is now a student government leader at the university he is attending. Another lives with us full time and is preparing and working to save money to serve a mission. Our three youngest boys bear strong bible names — the J brothers, we call them. Two attend liberal arts schools interested in acting and film careers — one in Las Vegas, the other in southern Utah. The oldest J is a stellar student, independent thinker, and has the kindest soul.
We will have conversations with our children in the coming days. Now, they are facing some difficult choices and decisions about their moms and it weighs heavy on our hearts. The boys are old enough and wise enough to make independent decisions. They are also young enough and sweet enough to still snuggle on the couch next to us to share their their worries, hopes, and dreams.
Our youngest three children are the sweetest, happiest and kindest of little girls — loved and embraced as a cheerful trio by all who know them. They, too, will face some difficult decisions about their moms in coming days and years.
I regret that those who love and care about us are faced with a religious requirement to make a decision about our relationship. This kind of struggle I did not know as a child raised to the tune of primary songs. I was taught to kneel and pray, to recognize and follow light and truth by trusting and following my heart. Also, to love and give and serve. I was taught principles of honesty, and to make amends when I did something that did not feel right or caused hurt or harm to another. I was taught to study the scriptures for wisdom and guidance, and to live free of burden by being accountable for my actions. Also, even when it is not popular, to stand up for what I believe in, and with kindness, work to make the world a better place.
Each one of our children has loved and supported us in our decision to be together. They have had questions, concerns, worries, tears and difficulties, and we provide space to listen and try to understand. Lots of hugs and kisses. Now, with the choices they will face, it is our privilege to in return love and support them in making the decisions they need to make to follow their life paths.
Last night the doorbell rang. It was well after dinner and the house had quieted to the sounds of channel surfing and newspaper page turning. A knock at the door and I opened to a see a smiling neighbor boy who attends elementary school and Mormon primary. His bike was lying at his feet and he reached up to me offering a coupon catalog his school has been selling. He told me he wanted to give Amy and I a gift and his mom had helped him complete the purchase to be able to give us this gift. He stepped inside and said “Happy anniversary!” to Amy and I. Then, with waist-high hugs and, “See you guys later,” he picked up his bike and headed back down the sidewalk. That, my heart said softly, is a beautiful example of what it means to be Mormon.
