Pornography Lady
Is Jerri Jorgensen the pornography lady? You bet she is. She’s fighting it chin-up and without fear. “If no one else is going to stand up and say enough is enough, then I will.”
Why one Utah woman is speaking out about pornography addiction.
“Who in your family is affected by pornography?” Spend five minutes with Jerri Jorgensen of southern Utah, and she’ll not only ask you this question, she’ll instantly and charmingly enlighten you about why you need to know.
Jerri knows first-hand. It was shame and silence that kept her husband secretive about his pornography addiction for more than 30 years. “I knew something was not right in our home,” Jerri says. “But when our lives started completely falling apart, I realized we were dealing with a very serious problem.”
Just Stop It
Jerri says she will never forget the day Mark came to her and told her he had a problem. “My first response was to tell him to ‘Just stop it!’”
Since then, Jerri has learned painstakingly that pornography addiction is not something that can just be stopped. Typically traced to a traumatic childhood event, pornography addictions, like all addictions, is most often used to mask more serious and often deeply rooted issues. “Through everything we’ve learned and experienced, we’ve come to realize that there is almost always a deep pain or problem that needs to be addressed.”
Jerri describes that once she realized it was not going away, “I had to decide, was I going to stay and work through this, or was I going to leave him.”
It took time and soul-searching before telling Mark she would stand by his side without wavering, but on one condition: he had to get help. Mark agreed. And when individual therapy, couples counseling, research and outpatient treatment programs did not work, Jerri says they realized they needed serious help. The couple realized they were dealing with a serious addiction, and that it needed to be treated as such.
With the first fatality of pornography addiction often being marriage, Jerri says with absolute determination, “I was not going to let this happen to us. Mark is my best friend, and I love him. I knew I would do anything to make this work.”
Finding Help
That is when the Jorgensen’s traveled East to admit Mark to a renowned sex addiction residential treatment center. Finally, after years of searching, the Jorgensens found a program that they could adapt to their situation.
Spending 45 days in an intensive, 24-hour inpatient treatment program, working through couples issues, a detox program and receiving education, training, and understanding, Mark walked out of the center and into Jerri’s arms saying the words they have since dedicated their lives to: “I know what we have to do,” he said. “We have to create a program that is totally dedicated to pornography addiction and to saving families and marriages like ours.”
And that is exactly what the Jorgensen’s have done. In southern Utah, away from St. George city and near the beautiful and serene north rim of Snow Canyon, the Jorgensen’s opened a first of its kind residential treatment program for men struggling with pornography addiction. And what they have learned in their first year of operation has been alarming.
“We put the very best clinical team together and worked with national experts in sex addiction treatment to develop a program that would be effective,” Jerri says. “Our goal is to help those who are losing control of their lives to the use of pornography. Addiction means life has become unmanageable, and that you cannot stop.”
With individual therapy, group therapy, equine experiences, hiking and healthy lifestyle training, a personal trainer and resident nutritionist, Desert Solace is being recognized nationally for its dedication and clinical expertise in the area of pornography addiction. And clients are coming from all parts of the country.
“We wanted to create a serene place where men could come to work through their issues and work with their wives and families to find recovery and healing,” Mark says.
“The chains of pornography addiction are dark and shameful, and silence allows it to feed on itself.” That is why Mark and Jerri have also dedicated themselves to opening dialogue and public speaking about the addiction and how to get help.
The Pornography Generation
For Jerri, “What has been most alarming to me is the age of the clients who are coming into our center. “They are young, newly married, trying to get married, many of them are boys,” she says.
According to Desert Solace Clinical Director Stan Sullivan, “We expected to serve mostly middle-aged men, but we’re finding a younger generation that is desperate for help.”
According to Sullivan, “The seriousness we’re dealing with here is that many of these young men will never be successful in a family or work situation until they get this under control.” Sullivan describes how personal technology is making it virtually impossible for young people to avoid pornography. “It finds its way into our computers, our cell phones, email, tablets … you name it,” he says. “Even if you’re not looking, it will find you.”
Sullivan says the thing he hears over and over from Desert Solace clients is that first exposure begins early (statistically age 10), and that the shame, secrecy, privacy and lure of pornography are often conflicting and shameful for the user. “But it’s free and easily accessible, and when it becomes a way of masking pain, that is when we are looking at a potentially serious and long-term problem,” he says.
When speaking to public groups, Jerri often puts it like this: “Pornography is just like any other drug. It is just as addictive, just as dangerous and just as devastating.” And that is exactly how Desert Solace is choosing to treat it — like any other serious drug addiction.
“We have been alarmed at the level of devastation our clients are experiencing,” Jerri says. “I feel personally obligated as a mother to speak out about it,” she says. “Parents need to know, and I told Mark that if we are really here to save families, in the home is where it has to start.”
Time to Start Talking
Sullivan describes that many Desert Solace clients say they tried at one point or another to share with a loved that they were struggling and to ask for help. “The subject is socially very uncomfortable to talk about, and traditionally taboo,” he says. “Often when trying to bring it up to loved ones, they are typically either pushed away or ignored.”
Pornography is something that is easier not to talk about, and according to Sullivan, “This is why we must learn to talk about it. We have to know how to help our loved ones before they end up in the middle of terrible devastation.”
Devastation is often what leads individuals to Desert Solace for treatment. “Most come to us with very serious issues and loss,” says Lynne Clark, a Desert Solace licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who specializes in pornography addiction.
“When a person is addicted, it doesn’t affect just them,” Clark says. “It affects everyone around them.”
Recently, ABC’s 20/20 contacted Desert Solace as the only residential treatment program they could find with a specific focus on pornography addiction. “We are learning that this is truly a modern-day crisis,” Jerri says. “And the questions are beginning to surface: What do we do? Where do we go? How do we talk to our children?”
According to Jerri, “We have got to get the message through to parents that this is something that simply has to be discussed.”
“Just like drugs and alcohol, our youth have got to know the risks involved with dabbling in pornography and they have to feel safe talking to us as parents about it,” Jerri says.
And according to Mark, “Not until a family friend asked me directly if this is what was going on was I able to admit I needed help.” And now, Mark can say the most powerful words of all: “There is hope and there is a way out.”
Pornography Lady
With a personality as bright and happy as her smile, Jerri laughs when saying, “I often go into the grocery store or gym and someone will come up to me and say, ‘Hey, aren’t you that pornography lady?’” After clarifying she is the lady who is working to end pornography addiction, “I’m not one bit ashamed to ask them who in their family has a problem.” It is interesting, Jerri says, “Many people are eager to have someone to talk to.”
Jerri says she always likes to tell couples who are struggling, “If we can make it, anyone can make it!” According to Jerri, “We believe in total recovery. Mark and I are a testament that marriages and families can heal, and so can individuals.”
Knowing how difficult it is to acknowledge pornography use, Jerri suggests that every parent learn how to bring it up, how to talk about it, how to ask for help. Jerri says her first goal “Is to simply begin the dialogue.” Jerri has become a public figure talking about pornography addiction. She is known for engaging audiences, friends and strangers about a subject that thrives in silence. “I try to make it as comfortable and as common as I can to talk about something that has been historically taboo,” she says.
Is Jerri Jorgensen the pornography lady? You bet she is. She’s fighting it chin-up and without fear. “If no one else is going to stand up and say enough is enough, then I will.”
For more information about Desert Solace, go to www.desertsolace.com. This article originally appeared in Elan Woman Magazine.
